Lists

I've always been a list person. There are the grocery lists, homework lists, bills to pay lists, things to create lists. When I was younger, my lists reflected my preoccupations of the time. In elementary school I remember writing a list of all the friends that I had and all the people that I hoped would become friends. When the barn cat had kittens , I would list potential baby names to choose from. I have a list that I wrote when I was in my early twenties that outlines all the attributes I wanted to find in a man someday. In university I would memorize content by making lists and achronyms. For making tough decisions, listing pros and cons has often been helpful. These days most of the lists involve fairly mundane chores that need to be attended to: Pay for dance uniform, bake some cookies, rearrange my schedule to fit in chaperoning a grade six field trip.

As I was tidying up 50 million toys again this morning, I realized that I was compiling a mental list. It may have been entitled: "How to not be a screw-up mother" and went something like this:

Give the kids multi-vitamins every day, then maybe you could get some quiet time, since they wouldn't be home sick so often.

Start doing Micah's home reading with some consistency instead of trying to cram 6 books in on Sunday night when he's yawning and scratching.

Teach Arianna how to be a student, how to study effectively so she starts doing well on some more tests, (and see above, re vitamins so that she is actually getting to school to learn something).

Pay closer attention to Jane: she's a lovely and grateful middle child who could easily slip through the cracks, out of my sheer gratitude that she is not demanding much from me.

Wash Sam's hands and face more often so he doesn't look like a snot-encrusted neglected child in need of some parenting.

Be sweeter with my husband, who is a real find. (see above, re list from my 20's).

Then my eye wanders to the kids in my care, and another mental list is conceived. How will I fare on my list of 2006? If each day continues to give me only 24 hours, which lists should I invest the most in? My tidy rows and columns will have to function as hopes and goals, and be an encourgement as I strive to put tidy check marks behind each line. Real life and real time will not submit to my bookkeeping.

(Clean up the toys, check.)
(write a post on my blog, check.)