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Saturday, October 21, 2006

Dinner with Homo Escapeons

Its Saturday morning, but no time for diddle daddle and lazy coffee sipping in jammies and bathrobe. Nope, today is the long awaited day to have dinner with Homo Escapeons and his lovely counterpart, Alice.

I will be hunched behind my thesaurus most of the day, so as not to embarrass Brian with my apparent lack of wordiness, and to give Mr HE the impression that I understand every third or fourth word that he will no doubt awe me with.

And Alice? She already knows MY innermost thoughts and workings, so the burden of conversation will clearly fall on her shoulders. Does that mean that my role is to listen, and look pretty?

I learned last night on CNN that Canada has re-approved the use of silicone breast implants for use in breast reconstruction or augmentation. That got me thinking about this whole pressure I am under to impress Alice with my actual, physical presence instead of the phoney-pack-of-lies clap track that I peddle on-line. Its too late for liposuction, and my nose piercing refuses to heal because I continually, obsessively pick at it......but should I pursue this whole silicone option?

I think we have some leftover caulking in the garage from a home reno project. I think I can prop up my thesaurus on the bathroom counter, brighten up my hair with half a box of highlighting product, and simultaneously pump some caulking into my flacid appendages using one of my kids old medicine syringes.

I just hope that my preoccupation with sore-picking won't be an overwhelming obsession tonight.

Rupturing a hand made implant over a bottle of shiraz is sure to leave a lasting impression.

7 comments:

andrea said...

Hilarious and oh, how I wish I could join you. You give the phrase "Keeping up with the Joneses" a whole new meaning!

Ruth said...

ha ha
hmmmm
you've been picking your nose like your little friend that comes to visit you during the week?

Homo Escapeons said...

HA! You can relax Joyce.
Alice gave me a HUGE list of topics that are strictly verboten..
but now thanks to you breasts, breast implants and all related subjects are now back on the table!

DOH! We aren't allowed to talk about Blogging. OK I guess that we will in fact be relegated to discussing our children, puppies and growing up in small rural communities.

Now if you will excuse me I have to check up on the staff to ensure that our 'winter' place is immaculate. I am in charge today because Alice is out getting a tummy tuck, boob job, her hair & nails 'did', teeth whitening, new otufit, lunch with the caterer, and then she has a MENSA meeting and has to pick up some award from the Premier..all by the time you get here!

OH before I forget,did I mentioned that Titus, he is the security guard at the South Gate Entrance, prefers Brownies WITH walnuts...

Toodaloo.

draftyhouse said...

nards. I did it again.

Joyce said...

I meant to say:
Andrea-- your spot is reserved

Ruth another tip: Do as I say, and NEVER as I do.

HE: boobs it is.

Pamela said...

So how did it go? We're all holding our breath in anticipation!!

Cherrypie said...

I've seen a picture of Alice. I can understand your anxiety. But then I've seen loads of pictures of you and you are gorgeous, woman.

Brian and HE are very very lucky gentlemen x