Whenever a lightbulb moment comes along, I usually get hit with cruel and unusual torments shortly thereafter. My patience-ometer plummets. My I-live-to-clean-and-serve-you gene gets suddenly unexplicably altered. The level of dissent and ugliness in the home over he/she-touched-me-itis reaches unprecedented levels. The four year old suddenly misses the days of his youth, and engages in full scale two year old behaviors. My urge to move to a small, isolated island regains large territories in my imaginations.
There is one, teeney tiny part of my brain that remains sane. It whispers; "well? What did you expect? This is good, in a way... to redirect ones brainwaves, certain challenges and growing pains are inevitable. Remember about the Holy Spirit, and "just showing up"? You know that this won't kill you, nor will you kill them. Ride out this wave, remain aware, remain alert, and don't forget to forgive yourself. Don't waste energy on beating yourself up, on believing lies about how hypocritical you are. You are not, nor ever were a perfect picnic to live with. You will have days where you are an ugly beast. Do not set up a tent there. Notice how you hate being that beast. Notice that the real hypocracy is to act out of line with who you know yourself to be-- a loved creature, designed by God himself.
I believe the concept is known as grace.