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Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Like a Fish Out of Water.... tits on a bull.
Does anybody like feeling out of place?

Personally, I hate it. And of course, I tend to overanalyze it. I try different ways of coping with it- telling myself to "just be myself". (does anybody actually understand what that is? If so, could you enlighten me?) Or telling myself that I ought to just concentrate on engaging other people, drawing them out, and then enjoying hearing about life from their perspectives. Which only works if people are interested in talking about their lives. Which people are not necessarily interested in, which is why I am a fish out of water in any case. If conversation exists entirely in conversation realms of which I have zero or no interest in, no desire to foster interest in, and quite frankly freak me out..... Then what?

I land up feeling shitty about myself because if I can't meet people in conversation, then what is there? Which brings me back to overanalyzing.

Are there situations in which it is enough to simply endure, try to use your manners, try not to think too much, and recognize that as a fish out of water and as tits on a bull, you simply can draw no real conclusions about anything until you find yourself in a different situation where you don't feel like a pee-peed your pants baby alive in a polly pocket world? (can you say.... run-on sentence?!)

Okay, people. comment. Tell me if I am the only person who tortures herself with questions such as these.

Tell me how YOU cope.


Heather said...

I feel like that ALL THE TIME! And it was when I realized that most people do and those that don't are the oblivious ones that drive me nuts that I quit worrying about it. (My daughter, mom, stepdad, and grandmother are all oblivious ones.)

Anonymous said...

I feel that way too, & I think others feel it too. Don't beat yourself up about it. Either you click with someone or not. And sometimes we just have to endure it & be polite.

Anonymous said...

I can relate all too well. Work is the bane of my existance. It's not that I have to work - I really do enjoy the actual work part - it's the people. I am from a completely different training scenario. 90% of the time I have no idea what they are talking about when it comes to actual work stuff. Annoying but reasonably tolerable. There are alot of times I don't want to know!

Now, I know we all have our own demons/skeletons/baggage that we all haul around with us everywhere along with the really good stuff that gets buried by it, but there is no commonality between me and my co-workers and, quite frankly, I can't even join in a casual conversation because it is something that I am so not interested in it hurts. I feel like such a fish... and I, too, do very much overanalyze until I think my brain is going to explode.

As for coping, there are a few methods I practice. I rant long and loud to my ever wonderful and compassionate hubby. He really helps keep me grounded (and he agrees with me alot!). I attend councelling sessions to keep me from sinking so deep into the pit of despair I'll never get out. At work, I not only immerse myself in the task at hand, I frequently groove to the tunes to block all the chatter around me out. There are days when people are away at meetings and the phone doesn't ring. Those are the quite peaceful moments I treasure in my heart.

So in summary, yes, I feel very out of place, very fishy on many, many days of my life. Today is definitely one of them.

Thanks Joyce, you have no idea how much I needed to get that out!


gophercheeks said...

Ooowwww good topic of conversation today, being hump-day and all.

It seems like I have been going through this a lot lately, mostly with the parents of my childrens' friends. I tend to have to evaluate and re-evaluate myself to see if I can measure up. I am consciously doing it so I think that is a start. Sometimes I feel like it is an ugly, vain side of myself that is going to eat me from the inside. Then I have to ground myself by, again re-evaluating, and stepping back out of that comparative state.... I know that I am valued, talented, and genuine, and I also know that sometimes it takes me a while to warm up and shake off the nerves. I don't think that we should beat ourselves up about it all. I think it takes many different kinds of fish to make the ocean and I don't mind testing all the waters. As scary as it all is... good things can come from it!

Verification word.... DABLE!! How fittin' is that.

mmichele said...

i just figure that everyone feels like an imposter at least some of the time, so i must be normal.

or maybe not.

Anonymous said...

At 20 one tends to care what others think.
At 40 one doesn't really give a damn what others think.
At 60 one realizes no one is even thinking about you.
Relax, the people to whom you really matter are the only ones who really matter to you!

Anonymous said...

BREATH thru your NOSE...
it is meditative...
and .
now where was I?

Judy said...

Why, yes. I DO feel like that.

After much self torture I've come to realize that I am NOT the person people want to get to know.

This certainly does feed my agoraphobic tendencies a bit too much.

So, I sort of do what I can where I am and hope for better days.

I'm 50, if that gives you any idea of how long I've been at this...

Maybe I should just take a class on how to be fake. Because all this being 'real' hurts like mad.

Heather said...

There are times when I just repeat to myself "endure, endure - this will be over soon", but then there are other times (like a certain networking wine and cheese reception in Dallas), when my self-talk just doesn't get me through, and I run from the room trying to fight the tears.

Anonymous said...

Yeah...certain people intimidate me...yeah, I over-analyze...I torture myself....not with my friends or family but with "new" people...chicks with nicer haircuts than mine...nicer homes than mine...nicer clothes...hate it, so childish, but it's definetly a struggle somedays....L-lew

lettuce said...

I get this, definately....

... getting older has helped, bizarrely

and i'm better than i used to be at spotting the thought-spiral and diverting or stopping it before it gets to deep or screwy

but sometimes...