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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Confessions of a Has-Been

  • I bore me
  • I miss writing when I didn't mentally visualize actual, for real forreal people who would read my words.
  • I see the occasional "writing contest" and try to have one of those; "Self. You know you coulda/shoulda/woulda-but-I-know-ya Won't-ah" type conversations.
  • I get bored early on and stop listening.
  • I try to inspire me. There's lots of places to go-- like google images. Or other people's blogs. (the none has-been ones) But I feel either cynical or bored and just pissy because I don't know how to use power tools.
  • Because I'm bored, I notice things like the nasty shades of grub on the computer keyboard. I think- "I bet there's a way to clean that". I think- "I could probably google that information". Then I immediately feel bored. I mean-- who wants to spend their free time cleaning a computer keyboard?! I think that's at least a couple of additional stages into "has-been" status.
  • Do you know that if you try to inspire yourself by surfing the internet, you find women who re-make their wardrobes out of their husband's XL white t-shirt and a linen tent from 1980?! Where can you even go from there?
  • Or have you ever actually watched a Martha Stewart tutorial video? Geez, I really felt like slapping her. Is that a sign of life?
  • Dust.
  • The appearance of dust can make me go almost comotose. It's always frikking everywhere. Like all you do is sit around on your pet-infested couch munching on bon bons all day. It just fluffs around the place- all the way up the stairs. Under the desk. Around piles of goodness-knows-what. and if anyone sends me a link on simplifying my life or decluttering, we no longer have a relationship. I will block your e-mails.
  • I've been wearing the same pair of Zenni glasses since August when I got really sick and rolled over in bed, inadvertently crushing my other pair. The pair that I actually liked. These ones are..... pink. They make me look like the middle-aged has-been that I am. In pink glasses.
  • I've taken to habitually saying (to the dog) : STOP STARING AT ME!
  • sometimes I accidently prompt small children to say; "Sorry, joycie". At which point I have to say- "Not You. You can stare at me."

And now for that tidy wrap-up that the feel good blogs insist on:

I walked to the thrift shop with the kids this afternoon. The weather was splendid. A perfect, crisp, clear, sparkley winter afternoon. They wandered over every bump and clump, gathering sticks and licking snow blobs along the way.

After I made my selections (great pair of unripped Old Navy jeans for Sam, some pin backs for a project that I may or may not ever complete.....), the kids and I went to stand in line to pay. Several grey-haired women were ahead of us and one of my kids asked; "Why are there so many grandmas?"

I explained that every kid has a grandma (if they are lucky) and so there are lots of grandmas around who belong to all sorts of people.

To which a four year old replied;

"But there's only ONE of you, right Joyce?"

So yeah. Has Been, but not in triplicate.

6 comments:

Judy said...

Has been? I'm almost a WAS.

I love you anyway.

joyce said...

ha ha. WAS.
So much to look forward to...

(if you're almost a WAS, then it's not so bad. I think I could be happy if I find treasures like you do after I'm all done being a has-been and I'm waiting in line to become a WAS.)

Kage said...

you don't bore ME. but the feel-good blogs do. heh heh.

janice said...

Ditto - you don't bore me. I am reading Mennonite in a Little Black Dress, and her writing style reminds me of yours. :)

In fact, you inspire me. Inspired partly by you, I am coordinating an Adopt A Family for Christmas with my work group, and I am embracing my Mennonite roots and going to Mississippi with MDS and my Dad's church to build houses, in January. Want to come?

joyce said...

:) thanks Kage. I'm preparing another cynical post, something about feel-good sayings.

Janice- let's hope the tears threatening to drop down and snot up the keyboard are PMS? or should I start to look forward to the joys of peri-menopausal drama?

SEriously? Mississippi? That's amazing. PLEASE send me a personal e-mail and tell me about this.

Do you find that as you're reading the book, you identify in some really positive ways with your roots? Partially because she's so terribly cynical and sarcastic, but honest and not bitter?

I really thought differently about the concept of "MEnnonite" after that. and plus because I have some friends who have embraced theri Menno heritage and they way they explain it to me is so lovely and full of LOVE.

janice said...

Young lady, I sent you an email about Mississippi and you did not reply, so either your junk mail ate it or you are ignoring me. I sent another one to your spam filter today, about my chihuahua bag, with pictures. So, check your junk. Or ignore me :(