- Referee a basketball game
- or any sort of game.
- volunteer as a score keeper at any sot of game. (Yellow ceilings can be very distracting..... Ceilings can be distracting)
- To explain the 24 second clock. (it has something to do with a key, or a ball, or taking possession of a home as a firsttime homeowner, or a thingamabobbie having to do with a basket (?)
- This involves an explanation to anyone- an outside party, or just ourselves. We totally don't get why a clock that only runs for 30 seconds would be useful in any context at all. Even boiling an egg.
- Run. Please never ask us to run in any circumstance. Even in emergencies, please ask us to refrain from running. Or moving quickly.
- never ask Rose to have a conversation while there is a television within a twenty-five mile radius. (SQUIRREL!)
- Cashier. Never, ever, ever under any circumstance.
- Run on a basketball court, while refereeing, as the twenty-four second clock begins to tick.
- Work as a bank teller.
- OR a waitress. Waitresses are required to: walk quickly, while balancing trays, and handling money, and remembering what people want.
- Build bridges or tall buildings.
- Discuss television shows from the seventies. Or eighties. (not having had a television until our early thirties, give or take a decade...)
- We can't be asked to cheer at a sports event in a way that doesn't leave our children permanently and irreconcilably scarred. (Not that scars are a bad thing.)
- Never ask us to stand as witnesses in a court of law. Facts are extremely subjective.
- We can't be held accountable for remembering appointments. Or, for making appointments on a timely manner, well before an actual crisis arises.
- To sing solo at a wedding. We'll make up words (and tunes) as the need arises.
- To do the first dance.
- Or to dance.
- Never, under any circumstance (even the threat of death or torture) ask us to wear heels.
- NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER invite us to home parties where some poor, well-intentioned woman who just wants to make some money so she can buy her son a back brace tries to sell us products out of a catalogue. We become rude, inappropriate, obnoxious people who think our own jokes are beyond hilarious.
- Really. Never ask these things of Rose or me. Don't say I never warned you.
Sunday, January 09, 2011
A Non-Comprehensive List Of Things To Never Ask Rose And Joyce To Do
(You are about to read a list of warnings detailing what-never-to-expect of Rosa Rabbit and Re-Joice. These never-before-read notations were painstakingly compiled in the wee hours of the night, one snowy January day amongst the hills of a border town in an undisclosed location. When seeking volunteers for any number of needs in your community, we implore you to please be mindful of the following exceptions to our impressive areas of giftedness.)