I Don't Mind Growing Older

 

Growing older means getting more and more comfortable in my own skin. Steadily, almost imperceptibly hating it less and less. It means deciding who to spend my precious hours with, when to protect my need for alone time, who to believe, and who to accept but graciously disagree with.

It means pinning 359 pins on my cat board if I feel like it. And laugh a lot about it.

Growing older means that sometimes a dance party involves friends with plantar fasciitis busting major moves. Mostly without getting off a chair.

But when you have to, there's an app for that.

Growing older means knowing when to go home. And knowing all the best places to just be.

It means really embracing where you've come from. Loving it. Valuing it. Being deeply grateful.

It can also mean showing up for a party to recognize that you and your sisters have all inadvertently gotten the same haircut. And being really okay with that.

Growing older means recognizing that you can still try new things. Things you're sure you can't do. Things you never dreamed of.

Growing older means noticing how amazing it is to have women to call your friends. Women who range in age from fifteen years younger, to twenty years older. Put all that in a room, and you don't even need cheese dip- the richness is all around you.

It means being aware of the fragility of it all. Perhaps remembering the year that your brother died, then your tante died, then your daddy had a stroke, and then- your cousin died. And you think again- notice the moments. Be fully aware. Make eye contact. Ask hard questions. Be willing to say the hard stuff if that's the right thing to do. Be willing to keep your mouth shut when your motives are in question. Focus on the redemptive. Live with your heart wide open. When you're worried about your kids- come home to find them baking cookies with their music blasted and remember how good it all is. How somehow, love keeps winning. Keeps floating to the top.

Growing older means finally finding the perfect jeans.

Buying all the boots, even though you work at home and won't actually leave the house until spring.

Wearing what you wanna wear. (Oh. Wait a sec, I think I've always done that).

Knowing what to let go. Feeling the pain of it, grieving it all the way, and yet recognizing its not yours to control.

Growing older means noticing that no one can fix you. That no one can give you permission. That there will always be someone in your audience who will disapprove and that maybe that will always hurt just a little.

Growing older means noticing that you never fully arrive- never stop learning, reaching, hoping, dreaming.

 

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