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Thursday, February 15, 2007

The Headless Chicken Dance

Lost my head some time ago, but I'm still pecking away for grain. Turns out I don't really need my tiny little head to keep doing what it is that I do...

Mondays have been blurring into thursdays at breakneck speed, burying me under oatmeal and tax papers, toast crumbs and valentines. I crave the time to let my mind wander, to change up some things around the house, or just to get to the bank. My drivers liscence payment is due, and I need a picture but few and far between are the days when I manage to both shower and get dressed well enough that my pants are on the bottom and the top is on the top ( a sign of brilliance, I've been told).

The winter has been unforgivingly cruel. We don't dream of going for a toddler walk, as I'd likely freeze one or two of them solid within a half block. The ice rink behind our house has been deathly silent for weeks, not counting the town truck that faithfully dumps more water on it every few days. How that truck doesn't spit out ice cubes is beyond me.

Its not that there is a lack of stuff to do. Its just all quite repetitive and dull. Out of sheer desparate boredom, I've been going through mysterious dusty boxes in the basement that we moved here from our old house a few years ago. A fair bit is landing up at thrift shop, and an equal amount goes straight to the landfill. Shame on me, but its just that I feel like I am being buried alive. If the boredom and the cold doesn't kill me, all this stuff will surely suffocate me.

"So, what is it that you want time and space to ruminate on ?", you ask?

Well, our church is on the small group band wagon. (I've stuff to say there that would fill another post, but I'm too lethargic to go there right now. I've been breathing the same, stale, indoor air for three weeks now, and I just really can't trust myself to speak of anything but drivvle right now.)

(Not that this is drivvle. Is "Drivvle" a word?)

As I was saying: a few weeks ago a booklet was passed out at church outlining all the groups that the church endorsed. I found myself flipping through it repeatedly, coming to the end, and realizing that I was looking for something specific and was not finding it. After a few days of this (READ: small head) I concluded that I was looking for an oppurtunity to explore self-image in light of our position as women of God. I don't want a bitch and groan session. I want to learn stuff. I want it to be practical, revolutionary, life-changing.

I want to be able to go through dusty old boxes that live in my head and clear out all the clutter for good. I want to breathe some fresh air.

Peck, peck, peck.


Me said...

Just go find some gravel to peck at - it will settle in the crop and help you digest things better - then when spring comes you won't get indigestion from all the fiber and grass!!

Sorry we raised chickens when I was a child and the second half of this is most certainly nonsense.

Anonymous said...

Cabin fever! We have it big time at our house too. I get so restless this time of year. I want to be outside, I want to see something green, besides a spruce, I want to be able to walk without sliding, I want spring.

I'm thinking of organizing a women's weekend, around Edmonton this summer, for women to do stuff. What I'm not sure yet, but women getting together and supporting each other and learning, whatever. And drinking wine, and dancing, and laughing.

QueenHeroical said...

If you find that group let me know ... I am willing to relocate if need be ... at least mentally


Joyce said...

ME: its unclear if the second half of my drivvle is nonsense?
We raised chickens, and I have a permanent mental image of a headless chicken flapping across the farmyard, into a mud puddle, under the carcass of an old combine. YUCK.

"women getting together and supporting each other and learning, whatever. And drinking wine, and dancing, and laughing".
Oh yeah.
Well, except the dancing. I love to watch people dancing, but it would take an illegal amount of wine to get MY rear end moving....

Krina: Well, we have the internet. In that sense, we have each other. I just wish I could learn something revolutionary that would truly break through my foggy brain and break up some useless patterns that I practise, but THAT I HATE

Linda said...

I hear you. I've been in small groups that made me want to run outside like a chicken with its head cut off.

One of the best groups I've been part of is the "Creativity Group" Heather of Fumbling for Words facilitated. It ended up being only women. It was an inspiring, challenging time. Hope you can find something like that.

jude said...

I'm right there with you Joyce. If you build it, they (or at least I) will come.
But I'm sure there are women by the droves that have self-image issues; that if they see a grp with this topic would consider attending.. well, that is IF there are lots of other women's names listed on the sign up sheet... we wouldn't want to announce to the world that we have problems if NO ONE ELSE is willing to admit it... ;-)

Homo Escapeons said...

Why not start da Klutter Klutch in da chorch baazemant on Whanzdays.