Lost my head some time ago, but I'm still pecking away for grain. Turns out I don't really need my tiny little head to keep doing what it is that I do...
Mondays have been blurring into thursdays at breakneck speed, burying me under oatmeal and tax papers, toast crumbs and valentines. I crave the time to let my mind wander, to change up some things around the house, or just to get to the bank. My drivers liscence payment is due, and I need a picture but few and far between are the days when I manage to both shower and get dressed well enough that my pants are on the bottom and the top is on the top ( a sign of brilliance, I've been told).
The winter has been unforgivingly cruel. We don't dream of going for a toddler walk, as I'd likely freeze one or two of them solid within a half block. The ice rink behind our house has been deathly silent for weeks, not counting the town truck that faithfully dumps more water on it every few days. How that truck doesn't spit out ice cubes is beyond me.
Its not that there is a lack of stuff to do. Its just all quite repetitive and dull. Out of sheer desparate boredom, I've been going through mysterious dusty boxes in the basement that we moved here from our old house a few years ago. A fair bit is landing up at thrift shop, and an equal amount goes straight to the landfill. Shame on me, but its just that I feel like I am being buried alive. If the boredom and the cold doesn't kill me, all this stuff will surely suffocate me.
"So, what is it that you want time and space to ruminate on ?", you ask?
Well, our church is on the small group band wagon. (I've stuff to say there that would fill another post, but I'm too lethargic to go there right now. I've been breathing the same, stale, indoor air for three weeks now, and I just really can't trust myself to speak of anything but drivvle right now.)
(Not that this is drivvle. Is "Drivvle" a word?)
As I was saying: a few weeks ago a booklet was passed out at church outlining all the groups that the church endorsed. I found myself flipping through it repeatedly, coming to the end, and realizing that I was looking for something specific and was not finding it. After a few days of this (READ: small head) I concluded that I was looking for an oppurtunity to explore self-image in light of our position as women of God. I don't want a bitch and groan session. I want to learn stuff. I want it to be practical, revolutionary, life-changing.
I want to be able to go through dusty old boxes that live in my head and clear out all the clutter for good. I want to breathe some fresh air.
Peck, peck, peck.