Follow by Email

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Does this Ass Make my Bow Look Big? Reflections of a Party Well Spent


The people who showed up were entirely out of my control, aside from the fact that they read about it on the blog. The misconception that I hand-picked young beauties who still fit bridesmaids gowns from yesteryear is simply that: a misconception. Some of the well-bowed guests did offer their rsvp's, and so I anticipated their attendence. Especially the eager returnees of last November's ugly sweater party. A certain teacher stole the show with her immaculately put together fuscia princess dress, matching corsage, flower halo, white gloves, and matching dyed pumps. Not to mention the shimmering blue eye shadow. What a picture. She was accompanied by a woman so convincing in her back-combed bangs that others were unsure of whether to mock them or assume that she was indeed stuck in a theme from high school.

And the hot red bridal party! I swear that I did not set this up. There were a few people in that bunch that I really did not know, much less know that they would come to the party. AND THAT WOULD BE THE POINT!! I am hoping to quell any misperceptions so that next parties, all you wall flowers will have the courage to don your own masks and come out to celebrate with us. There is nothing that makes me happier than strangers coming to my house for a party. Especially a byop type. Well, except for perhaps the guests who are no longer strangers because they came to the last one!

I had a certain wedding planner roll in here with luggage on wheels! It was filled to the brim, and overflowing with helpful products for any and all wedding mishaps. Who knew that ky made an excellent facial product? Who knew that maxi pads are a convenient stand-in for shoulder pads? The planner, along with her fuscia and royal blue entourage were responsibly ferried here by some very frightened, and mildly amused looking men-folk, who knew to scurry off to the city once their deliveries were safely made. (but not without an enthusiastic nuptual hug and kiss....)

There were a few needy, hungry aunties sniffing around the place for some action. One even managed to influence some more ethical , moral guests to take a midnight romp to the local gas station to check around for "batteries". (uh, HUH.) Ironically, it was the wedding planner who got lucky with a very tolerant daisy-spinning guest's beau. Wow. Seems like that wedding planner has really gotten around... no wonder she prepared for such a wide variety of relationship scenarios....

Who knew that one of the most conservative, respectable faces around town actually sports a slutty tattoe on her backside. Some things will never cease to amaze me. She probably hangs out at the carwash on weekends, getting her glittery, lycra gown all damp.... Probably with that gal who hides a whole lotta red underneath all that flowing white. Then there was that lot who wore the red all on the outside! Some of the backs were a little more scooping than others. Some soooo scooping that they never made it to the party at all!

The three brides provided some unique challenges. One keep trying to pull a Julia Roberts on us, so we keep a stern outlook for any white steeds wandering about the darp. The other swished about conspicuously in her tight-fitting pearls shamelessly flaunting her sixteen year old figure. Her and that fallen-off-ed little thing from the big city. Imagine. Showing up in a baptismal dress that fit her in the early seventies. And she was only four then. Hummmmph.

What a relief that a relative showed up in an appropriate, respectful, flattering green ensemble with a wedding hat that would make the queen mother proud. And she hasn't forgotten wedding etiquette either! Nope, that thoughtful, svelt young thing brought proper fruit cake cut in tiny rectangles and wrapped in aluminum foil. Gives me hope for the next generation.

Although, I suppose its entirely too late for that gregarious hussy who insisted on lopping seven inches off the bottom of her pleated floral skirt midway through the toast to the bride...

9 comments:

it's a gong show... said...

LOL! Joyce, I can hardly wait to see what the theme will be for your next soiree. I am so glad that I came, laughing so hard that you almost pee your pants is so therapedic.

Thanks so much for opening your home to us!

Joyce said...

ah, yes. Well, the next theme is well in the works. I've just gotten over the worry that it may be "way over the top". Maybe it will be, but isn't that the point?

Crystal said...

hope i can make it this time (please cross reference your date for any UFC events!!).

HeatherCE said...

Joyce,
Tell, tell, tell!
I hated missing this party and I need to start planning my outfit and accessories now!
-H

esther said...

your hilarious joyce!!
oxox

Judy said...

And here I sit thinking that all you Canadians do is shovel snow...

I need to move to a funner country.

Ruth said...

:)

Anonymous said...

Auntie Harriet said...
A great overview of an even better party but I must say I am somewhat disappointed that my bouquet-chasing, testosterone-seeking,false eyelash and fishnet hose dawning presence failed to make "honorable mention" (or at least post script)in either of your synopses. What must I do - a striptease?

Joyce said...

"There were a few needy, hungry aunties sniffing around the place for some action..."

Dear Auntie Harriet: Must you always draw attention to yourself? You WERE mentioned,(with great subtlety)so as to avoid another family fued and embarrassing confrontation at our next family potluck. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo. For you, its NEVER ENOUGH!

You might think of how it felt for ME. Imagine. An auntie. In fishnet.

Ofcourse, after twelve more sessions of therapy, it may become clear that its a little intimidating to have such a hot little number as an auntie.

:) you hottie you.