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Friday, May 04, 2007

Mommy Dearest

Sometimes the best you can hope for on a friday night is to get half way through a hazelnut chocolate bar without sharing with anyone.

I may be somewhat of a late bloomer, but I never seem to fully wrap my head around the fact that I cannot keep everyone happy. I admit, it doesn't help to have a chronic, self-inflicted case of thats-just-not-good-enough-itis to exacerbate the situation.

People told me that this was going to be hard. Those self-righteous, soother-grabbing, sadistic, clucking old biddies who chided me to enjoy them while they were little, for it was only going to get harder when they grew taller. Gloating, heartless, and inhuman old things.

I don't remember being warned about all the decisions that go along with this. I don't remember being told that I'd second-guess every single faltering decision that I did make. And what about this fantasy that mommy can make everything all better? Did we get any practise at that between the he-he and the hoo-hoo breathing at prenatal classes? I don't remember the lesson on "Every Wednesday, Someone Will Begin To Vomit Violently". Was I sick that day? And what about all this lip service I hear about equality? Who forgot to tell the children? When their daddy goes to bed, NO ONE EVER CALLS HIM. Mommy, on the other hand, is required to tuck, and re-tuck up to forty-two separate and complete times per nocturnal cycle. Times four.

I hear the other half of that chocolate bar calling out to be tucked in. And the wine is feeling lonely....

11 comments:

Trabinski said...

I've sooo missed reading your post! And soooooo (too many o's?) relate at this very moment! Except damnit I don't have a hazelnut chocolate bar!

I do have wine though . . .

Tess said...

Maybe a warm scented bubble bath while wearing earplugs, reading a good detective novel(that you won't drop in the water), eating the other half of the hazelnut bar and drinking the wine?

Anonymous said...

Oh Joyce, you are too funny....of couse we don't warn our kids....too much fun watching them stuggle through...just remember Joyce ENJOY THEM WHILE THEY ARE LITTLE...sign me"clucking old biddie" Lindalew : )

Danielle B. said...

I distinctly remember reminding my daughter on several occasions - to include just last night - "THERE IS ANOTHER PARENT IN THIS HOUSE BESIDES MOM!!!" I like to have a little Xanex with my candy bar ;)

Ruth said...

just one candy bar....?

Heather said...

Oh man, I think I need a hazelnut chocolate bar, because I know EXACTLY what you're talking about.

And the parent thing - yeah, what's up with that? My husband has been the stay-at-home primary caregiver for the past five years, but the night-time calls are STILL always for Mommy.

Gloria said...

I think, Joyce, that perhaps you have stumbed upon something of epedemic proportions! It seems all the XX chromosone humans (hereafter called Alpha Beings) can relate to your symptoms. All the XY Chromosonal Persons, (hereafter called "them") are only consulted when the little chromosones KNOW the Alpha Being will say "no". The little chromosones are highly intellegent though, for they seem to sense that the Alpha Beings are the nurturers and that "them" wouldn't have a flying clue how to do it!

deb said...

You sound like I feel.

Judy said...

There's hope! There are better times a-coming!

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE having adult children.

And, lately when they call, they want to talk to 'dad'.

Danielle B. said...

I like passive agressive (grin). BTW...if you set up a free account at www.bloglines.com....you can subscribe to the blogs that have 'feeds' and then they are listed and show up in bold when they are updated. If you need some help just let me know!!

homo escapeons said...

I have to stick up for sleeping Dads. There are many excellent reasons why children do not see this as a realistic goal.
A. Dads probably won't wake up before Mom has leapt from her bed grabbed the shotgun and has barricaded the front door with the fridge
B. If we do we'll say "ask your Mother"
C. We'll probably just yell "Go Back To Bed"
D. Our solution to any nocturnal incident is to tell the children to go and watch some TV or better yet, yell go back to bed, and then we'll go watch some TV
E. Children are better at negotiating with Moms because Moms are better at communicating...therefore children have a much greater chance of acquiring whatever goods and services they desire.

is there nay point in listing the other 999 reasons? I think not.