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Thursday, May 17, 2007

Righting Wrongs.

If I want to make an impact on my world, I'd better get on it cuz time's a wastin'. If I had one of those trendy life lists, one of my goals would be to fix up this whole "food pyramid" misconception that the devious Canada Food Guide pumps out year after year with some modifications when it turns out that we can't be expected to change at a kyoto rate.

Allow me to introduce the Food Rectangle.

So simple that even the most unteachable amongst of it shouldn't have any trouble understanding how to implement its practicalities. The more straightforward, rectangular shape is designed to debunk any mysteries that the previous, more complex pyramid shape brought about.

Allow me to pontificate.

The entire rectangular form represents the central and crucial food group: Carbohydrates. Carbs come in many edible shapes and sizes. Cookies, cakes, biscuits, bread products, noodles, cereal, and brownies are just a few of the available choices.

The letters "A", "B", and "O" represent all other food forms. The basic premise is that all other foods were created to complement the carbohydrate. I'll provide some examples, just to make sure I'm being absolutely clear.

ice cream+ peanuts+ chunks of cookie dough= Complete Food Rectangle.
wine(carb)+ cheese+ grapes= Complete Food Rectangle.

Now, because I don't anticipate living forever, I'll need your cooperation in spreading this truth around the world in the shortest possible time. This blog is being tracked. If you read it and delete it, you are a heartless, selfish, unhealthy, unattractive excuse for a human being. If you want to be a part of something bigger, you will make the time to spread this new, TRUE publication of the Food Rectangle. Send it to everyone on your e-mail list. You will become happier, healthier, and more fulfilled.

Its time to make a change, people! Let's unite, and right some wrongs in this deceitful, wicked, vegetable-obsessed world! Balance! Simple, simple balance.
Start with the rectangle, and add the spread of your choice.
Lets change our lifestyles, one rectangle at a time.

14 comments:

Ruth said...

you are brill....

...she writes parenting books,
designs pillows and designer bags,
AND rewrites the food chart.

is nothing impossible for you?

Anonymous said...

just wondering...what does pontificate mean? Isn't the pope "the pontif"??? lindalew : )

Anonymous said...

I am all over your band wagon. Preach it, sister!

ali

thailandchani said...

I laughed outloud! Oh, yes.. I do love carbs! Could live on pasta. It should be considered essential to life!


Peace,

~Chani

Judy said...

Oh, to not have to live this sad diabetic life of mine...

She says, while munching peanut m&m's...

donna said...

It must be the Ossie in me. I am completely lost!!!!

Joyce said...

To any lost: The theme is SARCASM! This is a rebellion against all the info that is pumped at us about the right and wrong things to eat. The bit about spreading the news is my passive aggressive way of saying how I hate those forwards where they guilt you into sending some info around the world in 14 seconds or less to save some dying dog in Uzbekistan.

Lindalew- very ASTUTE of you. It means to "preach on" or "lecture away". Very pope-ish indeed.

homo escapeons said...

Speaking of causes..your diagram reminds me of a 2by4 that I would like to borrow so that I could whack a certain Abu Habib across his head.
He sent me an urgent letter from Burkina Faso because he is stuck with $33Million and needs a foreign investor to claim the estate of a dead diplomat who died in a plane crash along with all his relatives!
I only have to send him a few thousand to get the ball rolling and then he will come here and deliver my share in person!
What a great guy!

I don't believe in the Food Fairy either.
Basically we are designed to be omnivores that drink about 8 glasses of water a day...any less and our bodies simply think that we're in trouble and start storing fat.

My problem is that I like the Neanderthal Diet, the Grunthal Diet not so much.
The Neanderthal Diet was about 80% MEAT! That's what I'm talking about, MEAT, and Pizza on Fridays.
,

Joyce said...

You should be grateful that he only needs a few thousand to activate his few million... (HUH?!) How dumb do they think North Americans are? .......oh... never mind.

svea said...

you make me smile =) thanks for the laugh today!

donna said...

thanks for the explanation. Maybe I need that 2b4 across my head!! Thanks for the laugh.

lettuce said...

at last - an important and worthwhile chain letter.

off to spread the word.....

Ex-Shammickite said...

Oh yeah! Carbs RULE! Specially if there's chocolate involved....

Paul said...

Hmmm. This is one of the first blogs I've read. Guess I'm a bit behind the times. In any event, I agree that carbs are great - but not all of them. One way to beat the "not all of them" list is to run to the drug store and buy some Russell Stover sugar-free deep dark chocolate bars. They're unbelievable. Hat's off to Russell Stover. Enjoy!