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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Happy Birthday Barbie!

Now, I know that I've made myself out to be a bit of a barbie hater. But it's time to come clean. I'm no anti-Barbie purist by any stretch. My daughters played with her and all her myriad of accessories and I thought that the threat of them wanting to look just like barbie was about as likely as Sam wanting to look just like Barnie, or Micah pulling at his own limbs, willing them to become interchangable lego blocks.

Now, I do strongly dislike the barbie movies that Disney puts out. The themes are disgusting. Very bitchy, in fact. I had given the barbie of my imaginations a lot more credit than those boneheads in the Disney studios did. They should have used the oppurtunity of animation to make Barbie a mighty woman of change instead of a petty, pretty, scrawny little bully.

So, as an expression of my disappointment in the way Barbie got portrayed; I've decided to post some photos of barbie that show her seedy underbelly.

Here are some photos that I came across that Barbie would just as well have had remain hidden.
The "barbie-que". Creepy.

Plastic surgery for barbies. Because Disney portrayed Barbie as essentially brainless; if a barbie becomes dissatisfied with her hair colour, plumpness of lip or cheek, or expanse of eyebrow.... Well, she simply lines up for a head-grafting. Her personality remains unchanged.
This photo depicts a peaceful rally that the girls put together when they became concerned about over-populating the dumps. It came as a reaction to my publishing this photo on the internet after my brother-in-law took me on a tour of the waste management site near Bow Island, Alberta and I discovered an entire cardboard box of displaced barbies, their assorted partners, and a lot of their accessories.

The rally was disrupted by an enraged swarm of littlest pet shop pets who administered lobotomies and altered the Barbie's hypocampus so that their satiation centers were permanently altered.

What happened next wasn't pretty.
Barbie let herself go. But then again..... wasn't pretty by whose standards? I'll bet Big Beautiful Woman would embrace this symbol of power and self-acceptance.
Well, in any case. Celebrate Barbie's birthday, will ya? Put all those long limbs to some good use. No matter what your personal opinion on Barbie, you've got to admit that almost anything beats the platinum out of the Bratz doll.

And if you are concerned that your children will grow up thinking that the Barbie doll presents some sort of ideal for the way your girlies will want to look when they grow up... Well, imagine this. If they play with Raggedy Anne, will they rip at their hair in disgust and pray for yarn to grow in its place?

Besides. I played with barbie when I was a young girl and did I grow up to have body image issues?!

hmmmm.... now there's food for thought.....
Happy Birthday Barbie! Your birthday was actually yesterday; but with all the head replacements that you've endured, and what with breathing all the thin air way up there on top of your legs, you probably won't really know that difference...


Roo said...

happy birthday barbie-cakes!

Rosa said...

This is soo disturbing. I can't even get past the images . It reminds me of an equally disturbing episode of Rosanne where her son (I think his name is sam) cuts of all of the heads, hands, and feet off of his sisters Barbies. I think I am mostly upset because it looks eerily like my attic.

jenn said...

I love the barbie wreath!

Judy said...

I played with lots of paper dolls in my day.

I am rather one dimensional and very white on the back side.