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Thursday, May 28, 2009

How To Deal With The Annoying Jingle Jangle Heaviness of Money In Your Pockets/Purse/Bank Account

  1. Enroll your daughter in spring basketball. Write out a cheque for the privelege.
  2. Since this is not a school sports event, each game will involve a trip to the city. Each time at a completely new location.
  3. Don't ever get e-mails about the games. Rely on your daughter, her inbox, and whatshehearsatschool.
  4. Make sure that no one car pools. Ensure that your daughter offers rides to no one. Encourage her never to ask other players for rides.
  5. Own only one vehicle, and make it a van. That way you get to spend more money on gas.
  6. Try to get to the games that involve you getting to the city by 5:15. Even when you work til 5:30 and the city is 30 minutes away.
  7. this is great, because then you can pay your other daughter to finish your daycare day for you. That should help to lighten your wallet.
  8. Additionally, your child will be starving, so this is a great time to load her up on salt, sugar, fat, paper, and plastic at any number of drive-through locations.
  9. I really like the nights when the information is particularly succinct: Game. University of Manitoba. (I'm sure the place is tiny. I think we'll just drive over there and look around for a kid carrying a basketball)
  10. Park in a parkade. That way you get to use those annoying toonie bits that weigh so much.
  11. Check gymnasiums in two or three buildings. Ask gym desk attendents, but don't have too much information, such as: What the heck the name of the organization that you are playing with. It's more fun that way.
  12. Receive helpful information about which hallways to traverse, and where courts might possibly exist.
  13. Enjoy a convocation on your walk over to some other gymnasium.
  14. Remember that you never actually finished your degree. Wonder if you would be less stupid if you had finished. Wonder if it would help you find a gymnasium. Without grad caps.
  15. Rage on your way back to the parkade. Mentally plan to set aside some money for your child's unresolved life issues. (It all started back on that day when my mom couldn't find the right gym, and I never had my chance to really excel!)
  16. Consider stopping at Old Navy to buy your kid a bunch of clothes that she doesn't need just to have something new to feel guilty about. Fantacize about buying a lot of gin and menthols.
  17. DRIVE home instead. Fill up the tank along the way. Remember that it's time to pay for summer camp and that your other two kids need new running shoes.
  18. Begin to chew your cuticles.
  19. Notice that your wallet is considerably lighter.
  20. Now you know. These instructions can be used in any order whatsoever. They are fool proof.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

That is too funny.....I understand it fully though! - MK

gloria said...

sounds like that team needs a manager ;)

Linda said...

When all of your children are older, and you are no longer chauffeuring them around you may find yourself in the city, passing by one of the schools and knowing that now, you will know exactly which door to go in and where the free parking is. But you will only know that information when you no longer need it.

Been there, done that.

I should also preview my comments before posting them. That way I wouldn't have to delete 2 of them due to spelling and grammar mistakes.

Word verification today: cermon

lettuce said...

scrap this list

i have a much better one which mentions thrift shops, boot fairs, vintage loveliness....

joyce said...

Gloria- it certainly has crossed my mind. how lovely that would be.

Linda- I was afraid that you were going to say that when my children were older I would miss these days of driving them around. You had my worried that my guilt-ometer would spike. I like what you REALLY wrote.

ah Lettuce. A woman after my own heart. I really must post about all the vintage goodness I have picked up yard saling lately.

brenda said...

Isn' it funny (not) that you and I were living the same experience, at the same time, completely oblivious to the fact that there was anyone else out there as inadequate as we were at being a good basketball mom! Regardless of all that, we passed the rookie test and have graduated to veteran status (which basically means that next year we'll figure out how to carpool).