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Monday, August 23, 2010

Message in a Bottle

Every Monday and Thursday, a lululemon shopping bag takes residence on my kitchen counter. Now, don't jump to ridiculous conclusions. I don't double as a twice weekly mall hound, shopping for trendy yoga pants to squeeze my mom pants butt into.

I don't think any of us really want that.

No, what once held some other mom's yoga gear now serves as a handy recycled diaper bag. Naptime bottle removed, it sits there on my counter and competes with baking projects, lego pieces, various weapons of mass nerf-struction, and roughly one thousand other unidentifiable bits and baubles.

In my billion voyages to and through the kitchen, I often find my eyes falling on the words that decorate it. And I think thoughts.

"Drink fresh water and as much water as you can. Water flushes unwanted toxins from your body and keeps your brain sharp."

I usually read this as I'm reaching for a mug full of steaming hot, dark, black coffee. And I wonder. I use FRESH water. The main ingredient of coffee is WATER.
*what was I thinking about again??
Oh, right. My brain. What should I do to make my brain more sharp? Right. Something about water. I think I'll have a coffee. And then maybe later a little something with tonic water.

"Do one thing a day that scares you."

Can I leave the preschoolers in charge of making lunch? Cutting the grass? Tucking me in for a nap?
Can I run away from home?
Can I be all done now?

"Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself"

pfffft. Self, shmelf. Aren't we all a little tired of being told to like ourselves? PFFFFFT.

"Stress is related to 99% of all illness".

uh oh. I think I can feel something coming on.
What if that makes me worry that worrying can make me sick? Can you worry yourself into quitting the habit of worrying?
I don't feel so good.

If stress is going to make me sick, and friends are more important than money and life is full of setbacks, should I phone up fifty of my closest friends; do the thing that scares me- leave the kids all alone-- and drive off to the mall for yoga pants?!

I think I need a coffee.
Or a bottle of sumpin.
Or some mom pants to stretch out in.

It's no wonder I shop at Liquidation World.
Waaaay less confusing.


Anonymous said...

Laughing : ) L-lew

Rosa said...

I love you , I love you , yes and know I remember one more reason I love you

janice said...

Mwa ha ha ha ha

Great! Now I will laugh every time I see one of those bags. She says, sipping her coffee - made with mostly water.

Mwa ha ha ha ha

Jules said...

haha - awesome post! i DID do something today that scared me... eating a big mac for the first time in 4-5 years. now that's scary. and i think the iced coffee counts for water because its got all that "frozen water" in it :)

Anonymous said...

You are a true writer Joyce, I love ya!

I wrote you in the other post that yes indeed I will give my sis a HUGE KISS from you. Also, my mom is going to dfeliver the moola for the bag, and THANKS AGAIN so much for making that bag special for me in the middle of your summer break, ooodles of love to you!


it's a gong show... said...

that's to funny. i was just reading one of those bags the other day too. the one that caught my eye was , "children are the orgasm of life." now how the heck am i suppose to send that to school for my daughter's gym bag *sigh*. :P

jenn said...

Is that my bag? lol!

I always thought they were such inspiring bags, I feel like I have been had.

Karla said...

Classic Joycie.

Anonymous said...

and where is Liquidation World??
G.T. Ginny

joyce said...

yeah, I had an internal struggle- do I go with A La Giant Tiger? or Liquidation world? (around here, its in steinbach. Jane and I found us some killer deals there by fluke a few weeks back. Gorgeous MALL clothes for a fraction of their typical cost.)
Of course, I'm really partial to Old Navy. Great mumu dresses and skirts there. and cheap pants that contain lycra. Aging so gracefully.......

children are the orgasm of life. You mean-- they're like a fifteen second muscle spasm???!! More like 15 to 30 year, I'd say...

are Big Macs still yummy? I remember that special sauce.
But these days, I couldn't tolerate the inevitable heartburn and MacBurps. yuck.

Melanie said...

LOL! I think that is my bag since she said Monday and Thursday but I don't think mine is in that good of shape. :) I like the one:

As you age, you should continue to do yoga, so that your body can handle the more active sports. I think that is true.

And Brand - I hear ya - Kids are the orgasm of life, what?? Every time I read that I laugh.

Anonymous said...

I love this post Joyce! This is so great. Brilliant writing.

christine said...

love it!