Every Monday and Thursday, a lululemon shopping bag takes residence on my kitchen counter. Now, don't jump to ridiculous conclusions. I don't double as a twice weekly mall hound, shopping for trendy yoga pants to squeeze my mom pants butt into.
I don't think any of us really want that.
No, what once held some other mom's yoga gear now serves as a handy recycled diaper bag. Naptime bottle removed, it sits there on my counter and competes with baking projects, lego pieces, various weapons of mass nerf-struction, and roughly one thousand other unidentifiable bits and baubles.
In my billion voyages to and through the kitchen, I often find my eyes falling on the words that decorate it. And I think thoughts.
"Drink fresh water and as much water as you can. Water flushes unwanted toxins from your body and keeps your brain sharp."
I usually read this as I'm reaching for a mug full of steaming hot, dark, black coffee. And I wonder. I use FRESH water. The main ingredient of coffee is WATER.
*what was I thinking about again??
Oh, right. My brain. What should I do to make my brain more sharp? Right. Something about water. I think I'll have a coffee. And then maybe later a little something with tonic water.
"Do one thing a day that scares you."
Can I leave the preschoolers in charge of making lunch? Cutting the grass? Tucking me in for a nap?
Can I run away from home?
Can I be all done now?
"Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself"
pfffft. Self, shmelf. Aren't we all a little tired of being told to like ourselves? PFFFFFT.
"Stress is related to 99% of all illness".
uh oh. I think I can feel something coming on.
What if that makes me worry that worrying can make me sick? Can you worry yourself into quitting the habit of worrying?
I don't feel so good.
If stress is going to make me sick, and friends are more important than money and life is full of setbacks, should I phone up fifty of my closest friends; do the thing that scares me- leave the kids all alone-- and drive off to the mall for yoga pants?!
I think I need a coffee.
Or a bottle of sumpin.
Or some mom pants to stretch out in.
It's no wonder I shop at Liquidation World.
Waaaay less confusing.