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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Why Pet Ownership is For Everyone

Pets are awesome for the whole family because they encourage computer literacy.

Who else loves google-ing answers to the following pertinent, life-changing questions?
  • Why does my dog puke on my bed?
  • Why the &%^ is my dog on my bed?
  • Why does my dog have mucousy diarrhea?
  • Why does my dog sh!t on my floor whenever she has diarrhea?
  • Why do I have a dog?
  • Why, if I got the dang dog for the kids, does she dislike kids and like only me?
  • And finally, why does she look at me like that?

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

AND why do the cats ALWAYS puke their giant gross hairball (which really looks like a giant black sausage!) on our carpet instead of on the linoleum?????????????????????????????????????????

The Naked Chef

Jules said...

-why do i now have to brush my needy dog's teeth every day when no one EVER brushed dogs' teeth 5 years ago?
-why is the daily crust under my dog's eyes stronger than gorilla glue?
-why does my idoit dog stand in the freezing rain on the deck for 10 minutes before he realizes that he should just quickly go pee and get it over with
-why do we hate our pets so much when we love them to pieces??
-WHO EVER THOUGHT IT A GOOD IDEA TO BUY A PET FOR "THE KIDS"??

janice said...

Obviously you are the alpha bitch around the house and the dog recognizes that so she sticks close to you. Now, if only the kids and the husband would so easily recognize your alpha-ness. You have to be more bitchy!!!

Donn Escapeons said...

Ever heard of a cork?
But be a "Good Mom" and make sure that you attach about 10 feet of ribbon so that the kids can safely yoink!
...when they out walking "their" dog...
far away from the house...
maybe even waaaay out in a field somewhere.

joyce said...

Alpha
Bitch.

That's got a really nice ring to it. I'm going to get my next TAT in those words, exactly.

But if the husband and the kids start following me around and panting, puking, and nosing...
Well, that's not going to go well for them.

Donn, thankfully the pup has corked herself. I'll be filing that helpful tip though. The things is, dogs only crap through the eye of a needle when you've forgiven for the last time it happened. Just give me about 24 hours, I'll forget that it ever happened, and then I'll be doing that whole cork plan.

After I drink the contents.

Oh Naked Wise One. My dog quite likes carpet because its so reminicient of grass. Wipe-able flooring? pffft. How pedestrian.

oh my gosh. I'm supposed to brush the bitch's teeth?! I"m still trying to remember that KIDS need their canines brushed!!

I SOOOOOOOOOOO get that thing about standing on the deck, just kind of looking around. Like, COME ON!!!!!!!! Just do the pee pee and come back in!

Yeah. The kid wanted wanted a golden retriever. I "compromised" with a shit-poo. (poodle/shit-zoo)

What.
Was.
I.
Thinking.

When people come over and meet the wee pup, she makes it clear: "just so you know... THAT wasn't MY idea".

(no one to blame but myself...)

janice said...

Laughing at the husband and kids following you around nosing, sniffing, panting. I meant your alpha-ness means they need to listen to you, and do what you say. But the picture of the other is much funnier.