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Saturday, January 13, 2007

The ad I'll never post

"Local Daycare has spaces for: any number of girls between the ages of two and six.
Preferably potty-trained and not potty-mouthed, strong-willed, or whiney.
Come prepared for: colouring, cuddling, story-reading, nail-polishing, and chatting.

Spaces for boys older than two, with tendencies to run, to eat voraciously, catapult over couches, wrestle,throw tennis balls at light fixture levels, or pretend that other boys are hockey pucks, are temporarily unavailable.

Openings may become available after the windchill values rise considerably above minus 47."

In case I've left anything to speculation, friday the twelfth was the school year's first snow day. Cold is not an adequate term to describe the outdoor conditions.

Kids began streaming in at 7:15 am, as optimistic as they were energetic.
"Do you have skates for me to borrow?"
I find myself counting to ten slowly, and we haven't even gotten to breakfast yet.
"If classes were cancelled because its too cold, and yesterday was indoor recess..... do you think it would be wise for me to send you outdoors to skate today?!"

"oh. Right. Well, how about I just walk over to the school then, just to make sure its really closed?"

"Just a minute, while I count to four hundred slowly, while breathing deeply into a paper bag."
Truthfully, things went remarkably well. The children were all advised that the first one to utter the words "I'm bored" would be gifted with a math worksheet to complete. Most kids came with some version of hand held game that they could resort to when human relationships became too challenging, or when daycare lady put an end to the hockey stick and tennis ball game in the dining room.

Jane (being a girl, and all) used her time to make up an eye spy game for everyone to enjoy. Even the boys stood in line for this one, since there was a candy prize involved for finding all the hidden objects in a bowl full of birdseed.

I myself had been banned from having any tantrums, drinking gin before 5:30 pm, or locking myself inside my bedroom.

I also did remarkably well, and didn't break a single thing or have a single tantrum until well after supper. By that time, gin had become an option, as had the idea of cryogenically freezing myself in the back yard until the spring.


Anonymous said...

Congratulations! "One day at a time" as my 12-Step friends say, or perhaps "one minute at a time." would be better in your situation. I used to teach in an elementary/juniour high and we teachers did not like the cold days when we had indoor recess.

Homo Escapeons said...

Now Now...your blatant smear campaign towards the snips and snails crowd is making my inner child sad.
Little boys can't help being awful.
Mother Nature is preparing them to be heartless overcompetitive sadists who are willing to conquer and secure all of the mates and territory within their immediate view...
they are simply testing the water to see how much pain and damge they can inflict upon others because that is how they get ahead in the real world.

You must not discourage this behavior..just throw them out in the backyard and let them play Lord Of The Flies for a couple of can still monitor their zany antics from behind the safety of your window.
Isn't it amazing how those little guys can turn anything into a weapon...aaawww!

You may have to move up your startup time for 'Happy Hour'...
put the 'gin' back in begin.