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Thursday, January 11, 2007

The Emporer's Clothes

When I became a "blogger" it was nothing but a good case of envy and competition. My husband would sit hunched over the computer night after night, getting commented on by babes in provinces far and wide.

"I can do that", my most base nature cried. Sure, it had been a century and a half or so since my jarbled mumblua had counted for marks in anyone's course evaluation, but surely now, without the pressure of a pass or fail, I could ramble on indiscretionately to the great faceless cyberworld. They could accept or reject me in their annonymity. I would never know.

Initially, everything went as planned. Readers cropped up from far away places to offer their encouragements or opinions. My courage deepened. My (already negligable) discretion eroded. Soon, I was chatting away to the great crowd of unknown, nestling ever deeper in my disclosionary couch, imagining the warmth of my countless therapists bolstering me in my deepest, most personal fears and insecurities.

Then, one day, I became aware of my utter lack of protective clothing. And I'm not talking about a suit of armour here. I mean your basic Wal-mart panty and cami set. I mean, I've been strutting my "stuff" out here, in the community. No longer safe within the "confines" of readers from countries far, far away that my twelve air mile points would never carry me to. Suddenly the exotic, faraway readers were joined by another crowd-- one within driving distance, even for our humble, seats-six-what-were-you-thinking van. On I marched, no escape in sight. Without the crown, the bullet-proof vest, or the optimistic, got-it-goin'-on-sista smile.

Do you ever wonder where the emporer went after the parade?

Hey, parade viewers-- is one of your pint-sized sons going to shout at at the post office one of these days, "Hey lady! You are Absolutely, buck-naked! You have NO SECRETS! You're the town freak!! Instead of watching "Desparate Housewives", or "Grey's Anatomy", our mothers now have their own version of a local reality show."

Maybe its time to relocate.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

AHHHHHH NO! don't go away. or - TAKE ME WITH YOU.

please. i'll run away too.

:)

i've always wondered what Prince Edward Island looks like. Wanna go?

Anonymous said...

The house beside ours is for sale.
-H

Anonymous said...

Seriously.

Don't go away.

Anonymous said...

except we're all more natural looking than the desperate housewife set.

Joyce said...

Dear H
Thank you for your guidance in this matter. I have, however, been advised that the aforementioned property is indeed well within driving distance. For the purposes of protecting my identity, I may need a location which also involves an actual change in INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER!!
(But, it sure would be nice to be neighbors. I used to have the funnest neighbor in all the world, now I've got men on either side of me who by all accounts look terrified of my very existence)

Love to see PEI. But my air miles will only take me to the edge of Steinbach.

OH darn. And I was just three days into the desparate-housewives-diet.

Joyce said...

oh, and Judy-- I could move to your neck of the woods, since you still qualify as far away-ish. Any houses for sale beside you?

it's a gong show... said...

Don't you dare go anywhere!!! Who cares who's out there reading your thoughts..I am so encouraged by your nudity..it would be a very sad day if you packed up your computer and headed for the hills. Please stay.

B

Anonymous said...

Ok, I get the proximity thing.
I was raised on the other side of the river (ditsied, thank you very much!),
But I find jantsied land to feel as foreign as Beijing a lot of the time. The food, language, the way of thinking...
At least the thrift stores all feel a bit like home.
-H

Anonymous said...

Oh! Do come this way!

There are no houses beside me, as I live in a church parking lot. But, there are MANY houses for sale in the neighborhood. I'll go find you one.

Judy

Joyce said...

Gong show: do you really think its wise to disclose that you have seen my nudity? And seeing as your friend called to ask about daycare space, it appears that some people are absolutely a-okay with hiring a naked freak to watch their kids! :) thanks.

H: ah yes. The way of thinking (or working really hard at not thinking at all, or not thinking outside the box)
And thanks for flaunting that thrift shop thing, as I am housebound in minus 37 temps with *** amount of school aged and preschooled children in my "care". Oh, how soothing would a thrift shop outing me to my battered soul... wah, wah, wah.

Judy- please clarify. If you mean that you live in an old church then I will have to hunt you down and steal your identity. I've always wanted to live in an old church.
Or do you mean that you need so much help that you pretty much just live in your car and stalk your pastor monday through sunday to help you with your addiction to all things old and collectible?

Anonymous said...

Joyce,
You sound like you're suffocating.
Don't do that to yourself.

Show me the contents of your dustpan again, and I will be just as happy.

Joanne

Anonymous said...

I'm encouraged by Joyce's nudity, too.

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean. I found out not too long ago that my parents, MY MOTHER AND FATHER read my blog. It makes me think twice about what I write.

linda
myvoice57.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

blog away Joyce....your a treat....lindalew

Joyce said...

Joanne- do you mean that I appear to be gagging on my self-imposed gag?

linda#1- are you saying "I know what you mean" in response to the comment above yours?
If my parents read my blog, I'd go straight into the witness protection program.

linda#2- :0 gee, thanks.

Anonymous said...

Got me laughing again. I really needed that today. Thanks. As for the emperor, he really had quite a nice body. A fair number of people enjoyed and appreciated the sight. I've grown to appreciate you so much more since I've read your writing,and I liked you before that. Carry on, please. Laura

lettuce said...

where did the Emperor go? excellent question!

Lots of properties for sale over here, and we have SUCH GOOD CHARITY SHOPS.

lettuce said...

word verification was nummmnta - hahaha.


Nice new profile pic - its just too small.

oh - this wv. is dogna!

i could be here all day.





(could I pls?)

Anonymous said...

My house is in a church parking lot. We rent the parsonage. I'm the custodian.

It has it's perks. I get to play a really great grand piano.

Thought about you today. There are a TON of cute houses for sale in this neighborhood.

It's true what they say, more people are leaving Michigan than any other of the 50 states.

Judy