Just FYI

Now, slapping one or two alarm clocks off instead of making them one's taskmaster has its merits. I should know. It's a discipline that I strive to practise daily.

When I do rise from my slumber, I find that the seven minute beauty routine is quite adequate. This includes the morning pee, parking the glasses on the nose, and throwing on some clothes (if it's on the floor from the day before; I can sometimes cut the routine down to six minutes), and getting the morning breath brushed away before the baby kissing begins.

Here's the thing. This morning the Crest splashed back. I slapped the lid on the tartar fighting tube and a tiny speck of mouth-tingley stuff flew up and landed directly into my left eye.

Do not try this at home.
Especially when you are due to begin work in fewer than two minutes.
I'm just sayin'.