Did the genius who came up with the "nature/nurture" arguement ever take the time to procreate more than once? Anyone who has spent more than 30 seconds with any number of children knows that parenting only has so much to do with the finished (or "in progress") result. We've all met those parents who gave birth to one child who slept through the night at 48 hours old, without a soother or a bottle, learned to say please and thank you by two weeks, then was fully potty trained with nary an accident by the six week mark.
There is a terrible temptation to self- righteously assume that this is because of some superior parenting style. Clearly the pregnant mommy listened to all the right music, read all the sensible parenting books, and ate all her folic acid and brightly coloured veggies. The daddy never stressed out the mommy, always brought home a fat paycheque, did fully half of the housework, maybe more, rubbed mommy's belly and sang to little fetus nightly. At the time of labour, not a pharmaceutical was in sight. Mommy focused on some spot on the wall, breathed deeply while her husband tirelessly rubbed the small of her back. Mommy pushed once or twice, then produced a cherubic, perfectly "gerber-shaped" little offspring.
Well, you get the picture. The crazy thing about kids though is that they come in their own packaging. With my first pregnancy, I exercised, ate lots of veggies and all the right vitamins, and read all about what to expect. By my fourth time around, I took a head start on pharmaceuticals from day one of conception, always forgot my prenatal vitamins, ate when and what I wanted to and yes, took sips of Brian's wine. (DO NOT SEND ME HATE MAIL, or I will instantly go post-natal crazy, stalk you and probably have to kill you.)
So, if it were possible to custom make babies, I'd recommend that you all follow my fourth child formula. Through my carefully planned, deliberate pregnancy, I managed to produce a child who was extraordinarily easy going, nursed like an old pro, slept at night, lay on the floor content as can be, and never once projectile vomited. He potty trained himself, never did the anal retentive "I'm never going to poop again" experiment, liked eating vegetables, never tried to take a bite out of the cat.
Maybe I should write a book.
4 comments:
You are so fabulously normal! Vote Joyce For Mom Of The Year!
YOu know, drinking a lot of water makes perfect babies. You should try it.
Who is this water drinking crazy person? Kathy is it you? And yes, you should write a book.
Those who keep their bodies well hydrated have ways of finding each other - are YOU part of the club yet? (As I chug down my second cup of extra-strong coffee.)
Post a Comment