It's spring break which means Brian is not working. I 'm not working real hard myself, as I have only a few daycare kids over the break. This means that really, I have time to be creative and delve into some projects around the house. But, I have a low grade case of melancholy, and can't seem to connect to any great inner power source and even consider the possibility of conquering my domestic world.
I could try the role of super mom and take the kids on some neat spring break outings, but the boys have the flu and I wouldn't dare take them more than two feet away from a toilet or bucket. Sammy got it so bad that he was unable to hold anything down, or even remain conscious for any length of time. The constant eruptions have taken their toll on his little body. Four days of fasting took with them the last little bit of his baby look- he's looking taller someow, and decidedly thinner. Last night, Micah erupted.
That puts a dent in the one exciting plan that we did have for our time off. We had planned to take a trip to visit some of our favorite people from our old home and spend some time playing on their farm property. The kids play on hay bales, surrounded by goats, chickens, dogs, cats, cows, and friends. The adults drink coffee in the ancient farm house, inspire one anothers creativity and spirituality,take walks through the meadow and look for newly born calves and wild roses, and balance the whole event with a lot of laughs and good eats.
I love Rose too much to bring her this very wet and untidy illness.
Then there was the energy draining experience of psycho mom and her child, and me finding the strength and confidence to deny her entry into my life. A second oppurtunity of assertiveness followed in short order when a guest we invited for dinner showed up bleary eyed and staggering. Knowing that I had to confront him didn't make it any more pleasant or enjoyable to do so.
This melancholy births itself in little and bigger ways. I can't be bothered to grind coffee beans in the morning, I'd rather just make some java with superstore yellow brand ground coffee. It takes less effort, and less enthusiasm. I seem befuddled by the dust and stuff that I usually stay on top of. Noisey toys seem especially grating. Kids hanging over my shoulder with endless requests overwhelm me. When I get dressed in the morning I torture myself with the "twelve pounds ago" stack of pants. As if by putting them on I will respond to my own criticism and suddenly melt away.
I know that my life is extraordinarily good. I know that feelings do not always reflect reality. And I'm glad that on good days, I not only know that as fact, but I've got the laugh and the energy to go with it.
Maybe tomorrow.
7 comments:
Seems like you're doing exactly what I do when I get a break from school. It usually takes me a good three to five days to settle into the fact that my break has started. As you already know, I just sit and stare and am simply immobilised. Perhaps you are becoming more like me this time? It usually happens the other way around, doesn't it?
You're beautiful, by the way...twelve pounds or not. Just think of them as kilograms instead... that way, the number is only 5 or 6. :)
Sometimes I really feel like I NEED to have some grumpy days, 'cause it just makes the good days that much better!
Nice to hear someone who can laugh at themselves
Kid Illnesses that last more than 12 hours send me into a tailspin too. And school breaks can ve tough at the best of times, so no wonder you're a little on the blue side.
Squeeze a little something...SOMETHING adult and for you only into the day...a hot bath alone (your husband reads your blog at the very least sowe know he knows you feel this way and can therefore entertain the troops for 30 mins...*hint hint*) or a cup of tea. That lifts my spirits enough to make me feel like tommorrow will be better.
And it will.
Aw, Joyce, come 'ere and have a hug. Maybe the problem's that it isn't really a holiday for you if you still have some paying kids and your own poorly brood. Make sure you get some proper down-time over easter if not before
I checked out a great Philino restaurant last night - Pampango - on Logan. Good food and very cheap. Keep in mind for the next time you NEED to get out and don't want to spend more than ten bucks.
Grumpy or happy- the authenticity is what I love about you!
Post a Comment