"Yeah, hello- well do you still have that daycare opening? Okay, well what should we bring? And if you go into the city to do shopping, I'm not comfortable with my son going with you so I'll get someone else to watch him that day".
me: "Oh. Well, is it the drive that you're concerned about, or the outing?"
Her: "Well, how would you handle three kids in a store? If one of them ran away, would you leave the other two alone?"
me: speechless. (Is this the time to tell her that I actually have eight children, but have lost four at Superstore over the years?)
me: "I need to know if you are all right with your son going into my vehicle because I can really not guarentee that he won't. I do have four children, and there are times when we do go places, without advance notice."
her: "Oh. Well, do you have carseats that are up to code?"
me: speechless. (Is this a timely moment to mention that we use stacks of yellow pages and phone books so that the kids can see out the windows better?)
me: "So, how about field trips then?"
her: "Well, I guess we'll see when the time comes."
Further translation:
You actually look like a moron who can not be trusted. However I am in a situation where I am left with no choice since I have a VERY important job that I must go to because of the mortgage and all. I've checked the yellow pages for "anal retentive daycares inc." and came up empty. I then reduced my expectations, and began looking for moderately safe daycares. They are all full. So, I've further reduced my expectations to include anyone with a pulse but most of them didn't want me. So now I'd like to pay you a pittance, and nothing on stat days, and for that price, I would like to control your life. However, one false move and I'm calling you in to the authorities faster than you can say "play dough shapes".
The sigh is turning into something of a daycare-induced-rage.
8 comments:
Avoid at all cost. Even if it is only 12 cents an hour. I think you are already living too close to "that edge" and don't need an extra anal shove to send you shreiking into the precipice. She won't even know you're gone, due to the heavenward slant of her nose, till she hears it through the "proper" channels ( 6:00 news). I love the mildly but pleasantly confused you - raving lunatic would take some getting used to.
Give her a copy of your first book when she is a sad lonely washed-up old lady who hasn't been visited by her child in over 5 years and only ever gets a 5 minute duty call 2 or 3 days before major holidays ( cos her son and grandchildren won't have time to call from their villa in the Bahamas/ trip to europe/ 12 berth yacht in the Florida Keys).Better yet, get one of your children to give it to her on their way to pick you up to take you with them to the cabin you all go to every year.
I don't think it's worth it to take her kid. Just tell her "no" and tell her why!
Joyce. I need your words of wisdom. please help if you get a second free - Brian too xx
You're a much better woman than me if you actually accepted this deal. But then the poor child/ren probably need a break from the politically correct, organic, perfectly-presented iron grip of Mama so you'd definitely be doing the poor kidlets a service.
I'm suspecting this woman would not approve of her child continuing his/her potty training routine in a thrift shop toilet liberated of plumbing.
Has she asked the all-important "Are there dead rodents in your house" question?
I'm sure there are ways to get her to reconsider!
You all have excellent points. I don't think she would care for my less than conventional method of toilet training either. (Put the potty outdoors, then playing bottomless for a day or two- just the kid, not me!)
About three minutes after getting off the phone with "Madam-stick-up-ass", I phoned back and left a message saying that I did not think I could provide the type of care that they were looking for. Now I struggle with the worry that she may have not gotten the message, but I REALLY don't want to phone again, as she puts me in a cold sweat.
Thanks for making me laugh, and making me remember that there are lots of people who love to leave their kids with an easy going mama.
That is unbelievable, How do you manage to put all those thought so nicely on paper? You are a talent in the making!
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