"I don't know why the most we can hope for on some days is to end up a little less crazy than before, less down on ourselves."
(Anne Lamott; Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith)
Is feeling down on oneself a close cousin to the Biblical idea of "confessing our faults to one another"? Is this a good time to just come clean on some things like:
I don't always wash my hands after taking the kids to the bathroom because I just don't feel like it, its boring.
Sometimes when I drop off stuff at the thrift shop, I'll "trade" for something someone else has left.
On the outside, I look like a pretty average woman, but on the inside I'm morbidly obese. I just dress cleverly and hide it.
What's supposed to happen now? Does confessing some of my faults to cyberspace count? Do you think there are any people in the world who just wake up consistently knowing their place in the world, do it well, (without feeling crazy) and don't have as one of their top three goals to just effectively move through the motions of life without landing up in a straightjacket screaming obscenities and insults at themself? (while methodically bashing their head into a 2 by 4?)
As for today, all I can hope for is to maintain or decrease this level of craziness, and possibly within the next millenium, be a little less down on myself.
Maybe Anne Lamott will have the answers for me, but somehow an aging rastifarian in shitty sandals doesn't look much like an angel of mercy to me.
8 comments:
Rastafarians smoke this kind of sh*t for breakfast Mon. Hey it seems to work.
PS.
The world IS crazy.
"Morbidly obese" -- isn't that one of those evocative phrases that just make you cringe. It makes me think of a rotting fat mummy (the bandaged kind).
Uhh... do the KIDS wash their hands after using the bathroom?
I don't always wash my hands after changing Cherry's diapers... it all depends on how well I keep my hands on the "outside" of the diaper.
Hey Joyce...I think it is human nature to rip on ourselves...we really don't need to have anyone else point out our faults we are so great at pointing them out to ourselves everytime we look in the mirror or pass a reflective surface...I can completely relate...and heres a few of my major flaws:
1. My belly looks like an old lady's butt!
2. When I smile my upper lip completely disappears making it look more like a snarl..it frightens small children.
3. I lost 40 pounds and all of it was in my chest, leaving me with two empty sagging ziplock bags where my breasts used to be.
Here's what I think...normal people are boring, crazy is so much more interesting and unpredictable...I'd rather read a million of your "crazy" posts then one post by a person that claims to be normal....
H>O> It's funny you should say that. Just yesterday, I thought of picking up smoking. Just one more compulsive thing to enjoy...
Andrea- apparently "obese" means you're 4 ounces overweight, so they had to come up with a more threatening, frightening term. Let's scare the fat people into not eating....
Ce Ce: I reserve my right not to comment.
Lucy: That's the first thing in days that has broken through my sullen, pissy mood. Thank you! I have so much to say in resonse to your comment that I just may have to write it in a new post!
I don't trust people who appear perfectly "normal" all the time without fail. They must either bedoped up on Prozac, lobotomized or devil-worshippers. There is simply no other rational explanation.
I like people who adnit they might not have it all together. I need more of that in my life.
I like people who proof-read too..
adnit = admit
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