Sometimes I really "hate" feelings.
Wouldn't it be tidy to just be able to carry out the necessary functions of daily life without constantly evaluating, identifying emotions, analyzing the origins of sadness, happiness, melancholy, anger,.... (and the list goes on).
As a woman, I've got a multitude of factors to deal with. There is the inevitable cycle, with its teary and irritable dips and then peaks of "normal" happiness. There is the manic nature of life, with the mommy-nurterer in me running around, ensuring everyone's life is running relatively smoothly. There are the cultural pressures and lies, suggesting that if you only looked a certain way, drank enough water, and "put yourself first", you would find everlasting happiness and contentment.There are the genetic factors: an olympic size gene pool swimming with a variety of interesting diagnoses of depression, anxiety, manias, obsessive compulsive disorders, and quite possibly the odd psychoses thrown in for variety.
How's a gal to know up from down, and be aware of how to compartmentalize the range of emotions she feels in her mind and heart, morning, noon, and night?!
Some days I just hate it. And that makes me mad.
4 comments:
Mad, bad and wonderful to know - that's Joyce.
I used to work out my frustration at the bottle bank on those sorts of days but since they started doing roadside collections it's not quite as therapeutic.
It's the weekend. Run around in your nightie and scare the kids instead x
Atleast you're not standing on your knees with us men in the shallow end of the gene pool talking about sports!
I had this same discussion with a counsellor once and asked him (in all seriousness!) for alternatives. He suggested I drink more. I've never forgotten that piece of advice.
I can relate because I not only feel deeply, but made the mistake of procreating with a sensitive artist and bringing into the world our own ultra-sensitive daughter. The only thing more frustrating that being a feeler is trying to parent one with your sanity. I can't manage my own emotions, how can I handle yours too?!
For a while in my 20's I decided to try the alternative...repressing every feeling I had and eventually developed numbness. Let me tell you...the alternative to feeling deeply is not feeling anything I cheated myself out of a lot of life. I missed a lot and I would rather hurt and feel deeply than not feel at all.
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