Hildebrand Christmas

The day started out maniacal enough. I'd stayed up until 12:30 making the gin-inspired bag and trying to choose some photos that I could get printed for grandma Hildebrand before our Christmas celebration the following morning. Learning new techy stuff always takes too much time. So I got up at 8:00 and started all over again. Trying to learn.

I managed to order a photo of the boys wearing underwear on their heads and a black and white of the girls that they thought was acceptable and not completely revolting. I'm sure that was worth the approximately five hours I spent on it..... And it left me with just enough time to rush out to the bookstore and purchase a gift that I knew I needed to get since last Thanksgiving..... It just isn't easy choosing something for someone you really don't know... is fourteen.... and ultra conservative. I landed up with a novel depicting a family of Amish children. Pretty pathetically obvious that I was terrified to offend.

Then off to the gas station to top up that thirsty old tank. Wouldn't Brian be pleased at how I took care of all the finer details in life? Especially when my debit card refused to work, and I was forced to back out of the store slowly, uttering sheepish apologies, and promising to rush right back.; after all, my house was only two blocks away. and I'd be back..... just as soon as I found out which pair of my pants had my other, more reliable card in its right buttcheek pocket.

That's when I proudly realized that I'd locked the keys in the van.

Yes, folks! She has blocked the one-way gas traffic, she refuses to pay her bill, and now she's just going to skip along home, dragging her sorry ass behind her, trying to run with all that eggnog coagulating in her thighs. She's going to RUN AWAY from the gas station. RUN to find her credit card. RUN back to move that van, pay that bill, and still get home in time to pack the puppy, the kids, the gifts, the this and the thats. I think her husband will surely arise and call her blessed.

And did I mention that I'd not quite finished Christmas shopping? Oh, the jen/gin bag was done, and the funfun Amish book was bought, the catapult lego was packed, and the lameoid in-law gift was good to go. But we still had to stop at wal-mart to get those glamour shots of the boys, and a gift card for that special someone. oh, and some toilet paper. Some matters take no pause, regardless of the virgin birth.

But I was reminded soon enough of how the relentless march of life doesn't pause for any reason . We learned shortly after our arrival that our brother-in-law's father had suddenly died just minutes prior to our arrival. Not long after that, another family member excused himself to go deal with a nasty domestic violence issue in his extended family.

And I felt terribly sad. Sad for all the losses, all the injustices, all the inevitable pain that comes of loving people, all the enabling we do out of ignorance. Sad for Ken, for what might have been. Sad for ambiguous losses, measurable losses, immeasurable losses. Sad for how little we can really do to help anyone at times. Sad for all the loss still left to come.

This doesn't tidily segue back into the beginning of the post. The part about sideshow Joyce bubbling her way into a Christmas gathering. And in a way, that's just exactly the way life goes. While running home for your "good card", someone somewhere else is beating the crap out of his wife. Someone somewhere else is having their body ravaged with leukemia.

There are so many simultaneous realities, so much sadness, so much hilarity in this life.
And there isn't a cozy or amusing way to sum that up.