I am hesitant to write this at all; it feels like backing against a target and waiting for the knives to fly. But that makes me think that by not talking, I give no other voice to mental illness and the reality of living in that place. All I can do with any authenticity is to record observations from my own bank of experience.
I wouldn't wish any health challenges on anyone. And maybe because I don't know better, I sometimes think it would be "easier" to have a more "normal" challenge. There is no diagnostic blood test. (except the ones to check how your liver is doing...) The mental illnesses department has no fancy scanner to confirm just exactly what name you can pin on your symptoms. There are treatments available, but its a series of trial and error, patience, and decisions. (do you need chemicals? herbal remedies? lifestyle changes? exorcisms?) Sometimes, you're a lifer. You take an SSRI once or three times a day for the rest of your life; you take your chances with side effects and liver damage, and you find your symptoms managed. But sometimes, you are not a lifer. You take your meds until some mysterious series of chemical reactions occur in your neurotransmitters, then you wean off your meds, and voila! case closed. But how do you know which category you fit into? Remember- there are no tests. So, if you want to find out whether you're a lifer or not, you pretty much take your chances with sanity while you clear the SSRIs out of your bloodstream.
And did I mention side effects? Well, coming off those little capsules can open a virtual floodgate of weirdness and owies. So, while your head hurts, you're feeling dizzy and nauseated, a Leon's ad makes you cry, and you can barely stay conscious past 6 pm.... That's the time of life that you should be evaluating how the whole "cutting back" thing is working out for ya. Actually, that may not be the time. What you should actually do is wait about three months until the discontinuation syndrome is completely resolved.
Then you should take the time to rationally decide whether you are still struggling with depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive thoughts, feelings of hopelessness, exhaustion. You should make a logical, rational decision.
Oh, and did I mention that the organ involved in that decision making process happens to be the same organ that's not quite functioning up to snuff?
9 comments:
I believe I have been taking Paxil for eight years now.
My husband and I have a pact that neither of us can discontinue meds without consulting the other. It should have been in our wedding vows, we take it that seriously.
I've quit trying to figure out if this is the 'right' thing for me to do. Presently, I know that I need it.
And, when the day comes for me to begin to come off of it I will print a T-shirt that says "WARNING!DO NOT APPROACH!".
It is not fun. Soooo not fun.
I hear ya girl....L
glad to be able to listen any time joyce. Hugs not knives.
i'm nearly off the prozac and it does feel better. Except when it doesn't.
xx
Have a New Year Hug, Joyce.
2008 can be magical. Just remember to look out for the stardust xxx
Have no experience with this personally but have much within the family, including my eldest who was on an anti-seizure drug which has also been used for Bipolar, which she also is, and she had to come off it suddenly due to an allergic reaction. It took months for her body to settle and even longer for us to figure out how best to help her (Omega-3 is an amazing thing). My mother-in-law has been the same position, it is not fun, and it is hard. Praying for you.
...and a transplant is out of the question...
i think you're right. physical ailments, while challenging, are at least more understood and accepted.
just wanted to say i hear you.
Lots of love to you, Joyce. I'll be on prozac forever. I'm a lifer. And I'm great with that. My problem is when do I up it and when do I go back to the 20mgs? When life seems unbearable I up it, otherwise 20 seems to work for me. La la la.
I'm a lifer too. I've tried many times to get off of the anti depressants and I'm okay for a short while and then I slowly tip over again. I decided to quit fighting it and look at like insulin now. Hope you feel better soon but you're right about mental illness, it sucks. Makes you distrust yourself, forever.
I found this website has some interesting information. While I don't advocate going off the meds (I believe they save lives and it's EXACTLY like a diabetic and insulin), it does chronical one person's efforts to live med-free.
www.paxilprogress.org
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