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Friday, November 07, 2008

A Day In The Lice

I was just feeling sorry for myself this morning, after sleeping on a crunchy, garbage bag enshrouded pillow, and mourning the heaviness of my favourite quilt which was freezing out on the deck. I walked past my olive oiled kids heads resting on their crunchy pillows and down the stairs to the bags and bags and bags of linens that I had laundred yesterday.

Straight to the coffee machine.

Stepped in animal by-product (stupid dog is a big suck. She doesn't like getting her poor princess feet cold on the snow and ice and prefers shitting in the house.) well, boo-frikkin'-hoo. I got enough problems of my own, thank you very much. Kitchen has been converted to a lice busting headquarters, thanks to the bright fluorescent light. (anybody e-mailing me and saying something cute about never eating at my house again- shut up. Invite me to your house for dinner then.)

It snowed overnight. Fifty million quiltsandjacketsandpillowsandstuffiesandsheetsandshirtsandpantsandragsandtowels are iced to the surface of the deck outside the back door. The porch is insulated with clear yard bags filled with de-contaminated product.

Better start the washing machine and dryer up for the day.
And run the vacuum.
And go strip the beds.
The kids will be up soon, and it will be time to go through their hair.
Better cancel Sam's carpool to kindergarten.
And Micah's haircut appointment.
And guitar lessons.

No tapas to look forward to tonight.

but then, you know what? My mommy phoned. And she was so sweet to me, and even offered to help me with laundry, which of course I said no to. The woman is 82, and she's not going to be driving through an ice storm to help her perfectly able bodied daughter to wash some stupid linens.

And then Cheri came. We had coffee and fudge. The very same Cheri who came to my house yesterday and picked nits out of my noggin.

And then a few hours later I got a delivery of Ruth's super special, top of the line cinnamon buns. These are not just any ordinary cinnamon buns. These are Ruthies- the kind of cinnamon buns that could have melted the cold war in five minutes flat if they had just sat down and given it a chance.

AND there was a deposit to our bank account that meant I could pay something, which always makes me feel happy.

And when Brian came home, he brought the mail. Which contained a package for me.

And I love them all.
Want the website? Then get over here and do your fair share of delousing.
I may have lice. I may have four children with lice. But I have awesome, awesome glasses that look amazing with or without lice.

So much for feeling sorry for myself.... Now you're all going to wish that you were me!


jb said...

as far as the fudge, cinnamon buns and good friends are concerned, i completely envy you. ;-)

but in terms of delousing, nosiree.

5 years ago i had scabies. for real. contracted it from matthew who contracted if from his work (personal care home). yucky. sickest thing on the planet. imagine your entire BODY infested with those critters. it makes me nauseous just thinking about it.

joyce said...

ya know... I just said to my mom this afternoon: Could be worse. It could be cancer.... OR SCABIES.

You're right- that has got to be the absolute grossest thing ever. You can't even see them or get them out by being hyper vigilent.

(verification word: comatin.
sounds like a lice or scabies treatment name!)
or comatose. What I'd like to be at some moments.

Anonymous said...

Oh Joyce, I feel your pain. I had to comment. I pop in here now and again. My lovely daughter got lice in grade three. It was horrible. The boys ended up with just a few nits, I didn't end up with any, but just to be sure had Patrick check my LOOOOONG hair every day for a few days. That was the upside, it was quite nice actually...when one forgot the reason for it. Okay, here's my tidbit for the day. We would wash her hair (long hair mind you) and then put tonnes of conditioner in it, and then comb it through with a fine-toothed comb. The conditioner "stunned" the little buggers and kept them immobile for about 10-15 minutes after it was applied. (which is why, incidentally, they don't like greasy, dirty heads, and prefer to reside in squeaky clean noggins) We combed out a few that way, and then the rest we got with the shampoo, and lots of careful combing. Good luck out there, may the force be with you.
Wendy Kornelsen-Martens

gloria said...

so then you're NOT shaving your head? nuts!

Jennie C. said...

OK - so unfair. I need new glasses and I think a trip from BC to MB is a steep price to pay for a website!

Seriously, I'd love to de-louse your house. OK, honestly, I'd probably just bake some brownies and toss them on your front porch.

But, can I PLEASE have the website?

coffeeloves said...

my head feels itchy

Judy said...

My head itches.

I just had to pop in and say that if I were a louse (there are those who would not question that) it is your head that I would want to live on.

Okay. Now I itch everywhere.

Heather said...

Oh dear. I feel your pain. We lived through the "winter of the lice". I still have nightmares. Make sure you get rid of EVERY BLASTED ONE and that you keep your children away from whomever keeps bringing it to school or you'll still be whining in April. Trust me.

joyce said...

the other annoying thing is that I have one of those heads that tends to be itchy all the time. Not a nice thing. Which is why three years ago when this happened, i simply removed every single hair form my head. But it has taken three years for it to not EVEN REACH MY SHOULDER because my hair grows painfully slowly. I'll be going with excessive amounts of olive oil, tea tree oil, Resultz, sunlight dish soap, garbage bag covered pillow slips and tonnes of laundry.
Wendy- thanks for sharing my pain. We don't have any crawlers left, thanks to the shampoo. And the nit population is markedly improved. Jane's hair took four hours to go through on the first two days, but I think we were down to 2.5 yesterday.

nightmares. last night I dreamed that I accidently threw the laundry in the toilet and flushed it away, then went to great pains to get into the sewer system to retrieve it all.

I think I need a psych consult.

Linda said...

Well...your friends sound nice and all but I do not want your lice. Nope. Not me.

Anonymous said...

I'm certain you did nothing to deserve these critters again, Joyce. I'm sorry to hear they came to visit again and are robbing you of fun with friends. I live you, Roselle

Roo said...

84 dollars!!?! that is amazing. please share the link dear one.

Anonymous said...

Ok, my only experience with lice is as a teacher == and then you can just send those kids home. I'm SO SORRY, Joyce!!!! Schwester Mary