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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Happy It's Not Always This Way

I have tonnes of stuff to be happy about, and I review them often.
Think about posting about them.
But right now, I've got to say that "I'm glad I'm not always this miserable". That's entirely honest.

I'm worried and stressed about my baby navigating her way to France. (I know. I "should" be happy that she gets the oppurtunity-- and I am. The feelings just don't follow.) It's like sticking her in a leaky boat with puttied up holes, and pushing her out into water. With a big smile on my face. And a cell phone that will work up to the Ottawa airport. After that-- Frankfurt. And Paris. (sans cell)

My beautiful girl.
I'm happy that she's sensible. Confident.
And I'm sure I'll feel really happy.
Once she's in Paris.

Meanwhile, I'll think about posting about the joys of friendships. The pleasures of a clothesline in spring time. The return of the Canada geese. Some new additions to my turquoise collection. An oppurtunity to promote bags 4 Darfur. Yard sale season just around the corner. Spring break. My bicycle. The skirt I'm sewing out of Betz White's "Sewing Green". The preschoolers rediscovering the backyard slide. My boy passing level five in swimming. My other boy reading. (grade one never ceases to amaze me). Beautiful, inspiring websites that I've recently discovered. The shortest winter ever. (didn't even have time to get depressed!) Kind parents who say "You're the best". Good coffee.

Yep. There's a whole lot to be happy about.
And I just know I'll get back there pretty soon.


Judy said...

I had a dream the other night that you came to visit me! Seriously. You brought one of your blog readers and a few cute day care kids for my grandkids to play with.

And an arm-load of bags!!

Even in my dreams, you are woooonderful...

Karla said...

And until you get back to happy - I'll wallow a little with you - just so you don't feel lonely.

janice said...

Guardian Angels keep me sane. Kids do so many things that cause us worry - their very existence - like somebody said - a part of your heart living outside your body.

I fiercely believe in guardian angels. There are no atheists in the trenches . . . of motherhood.

Besides, statistically she is more likely to die every time you get in the car, than anything else she does. But, that is logic, and emotions are not logical.

This too shall pass.

Mary K. said...

What can I say?? I'll tell you what I've been doing -- I have been praying for Arianna yep, it's true-- praying for her safety. And I've asked some of my friends to do the same. They too have kids going to Europe within the next month so are feeling what you are feeling. ... for what it's worth! Schwester Mary

Anonymous said...

you know that I know exactly how you feel. happy, jealous, nervous and a little sick in the tummy.

Don't know if she will get the opportunity, but pay as you go cell phones are really cheap and so are buying the minutes to call or even text home. That little black, slide Samsung was our lifeline a couple of winters ago! Surprisingly, I actually slept pretty good the night after we sent her away. And when she called us in the morning to say that she was ok, it was noon there and she had already been all over London with her cousin and was just "having tea" in Camden Market Square. And then, one day, I got a call at work one afternoon from far away daughter about the beautiful dress she was trying on at the Top Shop. Where are you calling from, I ask. I'm in the change room!!, she replies. I loved her so much at the very moment and that was the little shot in the arm I needed just at that moment. I could text her on my break at work, keep in touch without having to make the actual call. And making the call meant waiting till 6 pm our time when I got home from work and then she was ready to climb into bed, exhausted from the days activities. Technology is great sometimes.

Hope that she has a great time and when she comes home all bedraggled and tired at the airport you will be able to relax just a little bit more and she will talk your ear off about all her adventures!!

Thinking of you, The Naked Chef