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Thursday, January 19, 2012

Life as a Daytime Mommy

In this line of work
  • my wardrobe is always laid out..... on the floor beside my bed. I have been known to wear the very same pants for four and five days consecutively.
  • I never have to pack a lunch. Sometimes I start lunch at 11:00 am with a couple of peanut butter cookies, make a sandwich around noon, and then wrap the whole works up with vanilla yogurt, peanuts and raisins, and some licorice allsorts for dessert. It helps that I never see all the food in one place, ever.
  • I have an inappropriately close relationship with my dishwasher. I love it with a wild and unreserved passion.
  • When its minus twenty-nine degrees outside, I make my third pot of coffee, pull a pair of wool socks on under my four day old pants, and pretend that on the weekend I'll take the kids sledding. I won't. I'll go thrift shopping, but I'll plan to start being a really great parent starting on Saturday, when I'm sure the weather will be much milder.
  • I make a lot of toast. The thing about toast is that it is hot and smells like bread, and therefore creates the impression that a hot meal has lovingly been prepared. Besides, I love crusts. Dipped in peanut butter.
  • I can put together sentences like this: "Hey! Where are you going-- I wasn't done lecturing you yet!"
  • I have an extremely low cosmetics overhead. Or on-my-head. After showering in the morning, I generally forget to look in the mirror, unless I can sneak a peak at whether my thighs have swollen any further or my butt has fallen ever steadily in its descent towards my dimpled knees.
  • I'm always here for my offspring to snarl at when they come home from school. Actually, I'm pretty much always available for general snarling.
  • I get to watch Chicken Run, Ratatouille , Wallace and Gromit, and Flushed Away as often as I please. In my four day old pants, while sneaking licorice from my pocket.
Just try to do all that stuff in your high powered executive job.
I just dare you.


janice said...

Since giving birth, I have known that childcare is the most UNDERPAID and taxing job in the universe.

Judy said...

You are a saint.
Even in your four day old pants.