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Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Dying of a Thousand Cuts from June to June

Its not any one thing that has brought me to my hypothetical knees, fantasizing of repeatedly uttering (a choice word) without any regard for my "oughtas".

Its not any one thing that makes me wonder again if I misplaced some crucial bulletin about a "life preparedness course" that would make me well educated and well equipped to be an infallable spinner of plates, or perpetual changer of hats.

Its not gone unmentioned that absorbing the concept of cancer in the family, never mind Death by Cancer has been a steady theme. The simultaneous, but unrelated truth of my husband erecting huge "Under Re-Construction" signs along what was once our shared faith roadway also dances in the periphery of my stage, waiting for a paradigm to nest in. Then along came the death-by-mental-illness of our young cousin. Then papa had a stroke. Cousin dropped of a sudden heart attack. Somewhere in there was death-of-an-auntie. Oh, and let's not forget Brian's uncle who has just died of liver cancer.

Then there were the horrer tales of the three year old girl, mistakenly run over by her own mother. The bike-riding fifth grader who was run over by an elderly lady in a car just up the road from my house. The three moms who miscarried their babies.

But then, June came again. And we wondered how it would feel.

But this June, I am busy spinning new plates, and nursing new wounds.
There will be more trips to that big hospital in the bright summer sun.
Some for my dad, some for my baby boy.

A thousand cuts.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

VERY meaningful....again, with determination and heads held high, we'll do all this together. Thank God for the love of family.Kathy

svea said...

a thousand band-aids for your cuts my friend, and even though we know band-aids do not heal, they cover and remind us that our cuts can be sheltered from the rough world. Here a band-aid for your heart. Thinking of you praying for you and hugging you from across town.

Ruth said...

love you joyce.
praying for you.
thinking about you.

and thankful for you too.

Judy said...

Sometimes when I kiss my grandson's boo-boos I wonder if what I really should be doing is saying, 'get used to it kid, it's only going to get worse.'

Instead, I just pray that he will always has someone in his life who cares.

Can we really ask for more?

I care, Joyce.

I really truly do.

Joyce said...

thank you.
really.

Its been said before, but all these prayers actually make a difference, there is a certain peace in the air.

Heather said...

I had one of those years when my dad, uncle, and grandma all died within a three month span. I didn't want to answer the phone anymore. And I certainly didn't want to go to another funeral.

Blessings to you.