My teeth have been bothering me, which may become a greater issue after grinding them down to sharp nubules just for the distraction of feeling some other form of pain.
Is it really in the community's best interest to generate potential for mass rioting via the cacophony of hormone fueled blasting and squeaking; whilst confined to an enclosed space without adequate exits and air flow?! Not to speak of the prairie storm cooking outdoors, threatening to trap us indoors without sufficient caffiene or chocolate until spring thaw?
Ah, yes, Winter. Such a pretty concept. So lovely in photographs. Its not dissimilar from weaning oneself off of antidepressants, coffee, and sex in one single, solitary afternoon while sitting on a polyester cushion in a choir loft at a Mennonite funeral. Let's try to market that idea for a moment. For the next four to six months, you will be essentially trapped in your home, with four to seven preschoolers, inadequate sunlight, with moon sand and playdough as the only toys of choice. You will be susceptible to a rare form of scurvy, brought on by the desparation of entrapment- the symptoms which include: rampant cellulite exaccerbated by a compulsion to eat ice cream with chocolate sauce, frozen almond bark, potfuls of mashed potatoes and chili, while gripping a mug of caffienne and rolling from side to side on a twenty dollar couch, groping about for a remote control. The initial symptoms to watch for include: noise sensitivity, teeth grinding, nail biting, cluttered-counter-itis-ness, wheezing, screaming, and foaming at one's mouth..... swearing, hoarding, bathing, irritability, complete loss of capacity to reason, smudged windows (symptomatic of banging one's head repeatedly, crying WHY, WHY, WHY? and gazing toward the south in hopes of the sighting of some Canada goose making the trek back and heralding the arrival of spring....)
Contrary to what you may read in popular propoganda; there is no real cure.
The only treatments are symptomatic. Optimistic organizations plan indoor events to help pass the time and to bring "at risk" individuals into community, hoping to provide support and stem the inevitable flow of mentally and physically affected townspeople from reaking havoc in the drifts of society.
Some of the more popular ideas include band concerts.
Followed closely by Mennonite funerals, church conferences which speak of romance in jungles far far away with no snow, and seminars in which one is challenged to give up food, sex, fossil fuels, and Sorels and just spend more time indoors,
PRAYING FOR SPRING.
11 comments:
So, I think I missed it. HOW does winter affect you differently than summer?
:P
Wasn't my daughter just the shining star at the band concert though? While yours misbehaved and created general chaos... hmmm.
My mom has said the best thing about being 50+, you don't have to go to the blasted band concerts anymore.
On December 21, the days start getting longer! That's just next week, spring is just around the corner.. maybe not.
My sister-in-law lives in the Dominican Republic and tells me that the streets are literally slippery with mold because it is raining constantly. Care to go south? Melissa, happy in Manitoba
!
i want to see some of that mold. it's probably some kind of moss, actually. much better.
I think that the first thing I say when I finally meet you is, "You are so damn funny."
Actually, that's a little inappropriate, so I'll just say it here. So...what will I say when I finally get to meet you? Hmmm. Perhaps, "You're a little crazy. Awesome." Or, "How do you manage to always say things so perfectly?" Or perhaps I'll just be the polite mennonite girl that I am and say, "So nice to meet you."
However it goes, it's going to be great.
PS. I'm a music teacher. I think that band concerts are a lovely idea. (In theory.)
This one was a challenge, I'll give you that much!
I heard you laughing somewhere in the audience (before the concert actually started though)
I'm looking forward to walking on "mouldy" streets in the Dominican...
ah, but then theres ice skating in the dusk by the river thames.
(and day-glo ORANGE skates, this year!)
would someone care to tell me what moon sand is? i not sure, but it sounds like it might be kinda fun...
ahhh...band concerts. such a proud day for both child and child alike.
didn't you play the flute at one time joycie??
brilliant piece of writing!
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