My husband recently wrote a sincere and beautiful tribute to me, his wife. It was honest, and completely lacking in cheese products, cheese sauces, or even essence-of-cheese. He also posted a photo of me where I look like a stupid little girl who just stole a cookie. I mean, he admitted to the world that he was decidedly in love with a dorky looking girl from darp-ville.
Running on empty myself, My heart gingerly tasted the offering he had laid out for me. I knew there was no manipulation in his intent, as he is not nearly as under-handed as *I* can sometimes be.
For me, the real thought provokers were in the comment section. Comments of admiration from people who wished their marriages were as idyllic as Captain I Wonder's surely was. Observers who surely wished their days were filled with wine and tributes, foot rubs and roses, and knowing glances cast across vats of mass produced yellow-brand macaroni and cheese.
Well, after a fourteen year honeymoon of bliss, here's what I say.
Anything worth keeping is worth going to battle for. Its like anything else real in life. The beauty will get smudged with the reek of excrement, your feet will get thick and ugly with corns and blisters from the times when plodding on is the best you could do. The cozy love nest can feel constrictive and prickly some times. The whole game of marriage, once out of its shiney, colourful packaging, can appear to be nothing like what you'd envisioned when you first spotted it in that mail order catalogue. (No, I did not order Brian from the "Schwartzgreig Classifieds")
But here's the mystery, the redemption. Two imperfect, selfish people determine to love intentionally. They decide that in their ignorance, naiveity, and imcompetence to do all this stuff together. Imperfectly. Painfully. Awkwardly.
Chins set like steel, feeling the fear mixed with determination, we go on loving even if it does not add up in the immediate accounting sense. Even when we hate the sight and smell of each other. Even when we understand nothing, we have no answers, and the lovers nectar has soured.
Precious, powerful, overcoming love that when the black winds howl, allows me to feel my hand clenched forever in his, my fears soothed by the sound of his voice propelling me forward.
**This is no way meant to say anything about marriages that end in pain. This is a reflection of my journey alone, and not in any way an attempt to suggest that human love and commitment are enough to subdue any evil. (Although that is a beautiful thought!)