How do you get from hippy to happenin' in time for a wedding that you thought started at 7:00 when it started at 5:00 and you're still sporting dirty feet and a grin from last Saturday's happiness?
Well, all you need is two feet soaking in a sink, a scrub down with a bottle of VIM and an old toothbrush, and a $10.00 hair pick-me-up from any drug store. Just don't land up with vim on your hair, and hair colour on your hairy toes, and things should work out just fine. Once you've found your toenails, brighten them up a little with the nail polish that you bought your kid for her birthday party. Trade in the sneakers for a couple of sexy slingbacks, and transfer what little cash you have from the tattered shoulder bag to the little gold sequined number that you just knew you'd need some day. Top it all off with that expensive little black dress that you picked up at the thrift shop for a cool hundred (cents) and you're good to go.
(Well, everyone's there to look at the bride anyway. If they throw a glance your direction, its to notice how tall the daughters have grown and how much they look like their auntie Mary.)
Happy Wedding, niece Jaynee.
May much happiness come your way before you land up a cynical, dusty old hag in a used dress like your auntie joyce....