Friday, June 16, 2006

Running Myself Ragged So I Can Go Relax

This is the weekend of the Manitoba Marathon. Now, judging from the title, one would think that I am preparing to go and run myself silly on the streets of Winnipeg. No, leave that to my husband who had to fill his free time with SOMEthing, so has been hard at work training. I, on the other hand, run out of necessity- usually from the fridge to the table, from the washing machine to the clothesline, and at night, from bed to bed (I'd hate to lose my momentum, and then notice that I'm so tired I can't run anymore, then people around me would begin to drop dead, and it would be my fault since I stopped running their lives for them).

So, husband's running partner's wife and I (do you follow?) decided that since they'd be having so much joy skipping through the city's streets, that we should be supportive by making their weekend as stress free as possible so as to avoid possible distraction from their goal. What better, more relaxing idea than heading out to the campground? I mean, we are two adults, and there are a mere eight (delightful) children between the two of us.

We plan on crossing the border into North Dakota. I realize that we may look like terrorists, so set myself running about the house locating something resembling birth certificates for my four clones. Apparently they've never been born. I know this because I spent three days overturning every shred of paper in this squalid place. I eventually located three carbon copies of "registration of birth" that we must have signed in order for them to kick us out of the hospital. Someone is going to have to tell Sam though-- HE HAS NEVER BEEN BORN! Although he looks exactly like his father, and versions of his siblings, he may actually be a figment of our imaginations. There is no legal documentation of his entry into this world.

I did find a picture of his sonogram. There is clearly a few round sections in there, and a few sweepy, grey parts. On the top, it succinctly says "Baby #4" in black ink. That's good. Right above the swoops and blobs it says "joyce kehler-hildebra" which is obviously someone sort of like me, although my name is not actually hyphenated, and has a few more letters trailing on the end of it. Still, this looks convincingly official, it is a sheet of paper, (officials like that sort of thing), and the blobby bits look quite a lot like the back of my leg.

I hope the guy at the border crossing is not frightened by my harried appearance. I hope he forgot his glasses at home. I hope he is impressed with my collection of carbon copies and sonograms. I hope we have an incredibly relaxing time watching eight kids in a pool.....

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Joyce if your going camping does that mean your not coming to the gathering? Just wondering, hate to miss you sticking your foot in your mouth (according to Brian anyway).

Anonymous said...

How reassuring. I must be normal, after all. At least as normal as Joyce. I, too, would have some difficulty proving I am the mother to four children, even though at times there have been four fairly grown up, , looking like me, people in this house. Oh, well, they're all legally adults now, so it's up to them to prove their own existence. Whew!

Cherrypie said...

Forget the birth certificates, I'm sure they won't mind spending the weekend in the border guards' compound while you go off and have some rest and relaxation. Just don't forget to pack the wine in the cool-box.

DNA tests only take a couple of months. If Sam really is a true Hildebrand, I'm sure he'd cope with the whole thing brilliantly.

Christy said...

Have a good time!

I think it's amazing that you made that commitment to do that for your spouse...most people fail to understand the reason why we race, and how it's just so much more than running. It says alot about your respect for him to create that level of support.

Romeo Morningwood said...

What a hoot! You are recklessly kind to das Ausreiber (runaway man).Isn't it enough that you let him participate in the cardio-pulmonary russian roulette event????

You should send the kids out on the endorphin high with whatshisface and then skip off to Mexico with your Amigas to chillax!

...speaking of running. What a terrifying ordeal it is to cross the border into the USofA these days.
RUNNING TIP #1 Always keep one hand on the door knob in case you do have to make a run for it.
RUNNING TIP #2 Even if they 'wing' you, don't ever stop trying. The food in Guantanamo Bay is terrible atleast according to the CAA brochure.

Anonymous said...

you are too funny!(that is all I have time to write) Hope you had fun.

joyce said...

Janice- ouch, yes, as usual, I avoided the phone at all costs....
Laura- is it any wonder that they say we are similar?
Cherry- I think I'll get him once he's all done with 3 year old rants
Christy- you smite me with guilt. I so didn't mean any of that supportive stuff, it was 80% satire, but I'll take the compliment- thanks!
HO- my turn is coming, I am sure of it!
Shelley- it was grand- thankyou

Anonymous said...

CHICKEN!!!!

By the way we took a vote and it was decided that it was your turn to host next year, and we just might set up camp for the weekend. And we may or may NOT tell you when we are coming. Let see your sorry ass get out of that one. (hee! hee!)

joyce said...

Janice- see you at the campground- same time, same place, next year. Can you let the others know?