Thursday, August 30, 2007
All That AND a Bag of Chips
as has been mentioned; I AM all that, AND a bag of chips.
My gift of obsessive thinking is well suited to dwelling on a book I am reading.
Skinny alone never changed the world.
Interesting is way more interesting than skinny.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Things that Make you Say.... Hmmmm.....
So I called up my old friend google.
Turns out that I had forgotten everything that I had previously researched. Most of my problems could be blamed on the said medication. Excessive yawning, sleepiness, insomnia, farting, constipation, vertigo, vivid dreams, sweating.......... could all be blamed on the treatment. Plus a half dozen or more side-effects that I could still look forward to.
Oh. And there is anecdotal evidence of impaired memory. So, whatever brain power is available after having been awake, sweating and farting from 2:00 until 5:00 am last night, will be further compromised by this other, tiny side-effect.
Maybe I should try to remember to take those vitamins.
Although, I find it even more challenging to remember things when I'm sleep deprived.
I wonder if there is a medication or supplement that I could take for that? And what would its side-effects be?!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Bringing Sexy Back
Friday, August 24, 2007
The Birthday Party that I very nearly attended
I was so pleased to be invited to your party at a tea house I was sure would be quaint and filled with finger foods and fancy grown-up drinks. I marked the date on my calendar and planned my day so that there was time to drive to the big old city in time to find the address. I had enjoyed an afternoon that day with an old friend and time went by rather quickly, but when I remembered about the birthday celebration, I was still only a little off schedule. Not being one to follow old fashioned paper maps, I googled maps and entered the address. Good! I thought. Its on my end of the city so I'll only be a few minutes late.
Quickly enough I found River Road and began to look for the correct number.
And certainly not in the area of any historic churches that was mentioned on the invitation.
Well, no bother. We'd recently invested in a cell phone, wanting to be as important as all the other people we see answering urgent messages while shopping for ground beef and discount sandwhich meats. This was going to work out just fine.
I enlisted Brian to go back to the invitation, then google the name of the Historic church. There were five by that name, so we went with the one which included the words River Road. I was certainly in the wrong neck of the woods. Silly Winnipeg, having all these half and quarter roads that switch names randomly. And no wonder they used the word "river" so liberally. The city is practically overrun with the darn things.
It was going to take some time to get downtown, where the screen at home had shown clearly the address of St Andrews church on Notre dame and some other exchange district street. Makes sense! I thought to myself optimistically ; Linda and her sisters are always doing interesting exchange-district-y things. Of course the party would be there, and not in the suburbs!
While I was manuevering to Brian's googling to the sounds of the children apparently sawing off each others limbs with butter knives from KFC, I found that I had been driving west in my efforts to perfect the whole important person speaks on cell phone whilst operating heavy machinery and desiring not to be rear ended by more proficient cell phone handlers who had probably moved on to texting and google mapping while driving.
Well, never mind. I told myself. This is a very special oppurtunity and think of the posts you could write after meeting bloggies eating crumpets with historic churches in the background! You simply MUST drive on!
So, I made my way back east, and a lot north until I found the street that Brian had described so perfectly that cut between Portage and Main like a slice of pie that I could already picture in Linda's china plate.
I found cinemateque. And a nifty underwear store. And a coffee shop I'd once been to when my brother was alive and let me hang with him. I found a lot of historic buildings, the Ethiopian restaurant I've been wanting to eat at, and the old "Kaye's fabric" that my mother used to shop at.
But no tea house.
I was very determined and I criss-crossed that maze of streets for more than a little while, imagining Linda wiping the cake from her lips, taking a final sip out of her wine glass, and reaching for a coffee to round the whole thing out. Well, I thought, There's still time to give her a little squeeze, tell her how pleased I am to have met her, and how much more I wanted to learn from her before she would come to my fiftieth birthday celebration. But no matter if I bent that van in half or quarters, there was no tea house to be found. I figured I was about halfway to the gulf of Mexico by now with all the driving I had done, so regretfully I turned towards home.
Brian showed me clearly where the map pointed out the church and I thought it curious that I had missed it. I'd seen everything else all around it that the map indicated. So, I went again to trusty google. Aha! Here's something about a church AND a tea house and IT says ST ANDREWS! St Andrews! I tell you.
That would be waaaaay north.
Not south. Not south at all. Not even south of the Exchange.
Happy Birthday Linda!
Wish I could have been there!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Miles Away From Ordinary
Thursday, August 16, 2007
A Gal Like Me Has Got No Right To Struggle With Depression
How well I remember that house on the hill where all was alive with the sounds of children, and kittens, the dog Daisy, the pretty hens, and the refreshing melodies of cascading gin.
Its time for a refresher course in all things rural, so I thought I'd unschool the children for a few days and haul them off, kicking and screaming, to spend a few days in paradise. Well, screaming with joy as they ride the moterless lawnmower down the hill is more accurate....
So, as if that's not enough to pull my chin out of my navel, tonight Brian and I are taking our daughters to Rainbow Stage to sit in the outdoor concert hall and experience the production of The Sound of Music. I've not been to the stage since I was a teenager so it goes without saying that the girls have never been. Julia Andrews is like an old family friend. I grew up adoring the story and although we never had a television, the Von Trapps felt like family from all the hours I'd spend lying on the living room floor listening to their sounds of music and studying the faces on the record album, pretending I was the youngest in that family instead of my own.
So, a few more hours to get on the old timecard, and then a chance to indulge in the last glorious days of summer.
My heart shall be blessed.... by the sounds of music.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Oh, its noble to have goals and all. But if all the people around here don't start sitting down more and cooking and baking less, I'm going to need a whole lot of support. I may even need to sleep in your living rooms.
But only if your people are more supportive than mine.
Monday, August 13, 2007
I Can't Afford a Life Coach so I Got Myself a Blog
But until then, because I am way above jealousy or envy, or covetous thinking, I'm going to post some links to women who are doing amazing work all by their big selves. I am going to be happy for them. Well, mostly I'll whine about how I wish I could market like them. Mostly I'll act like a victem who has had a terribly unfair life and how if I had been born different, I could be like Wanda, Soule Mama, and Gathered Roots.
But if I had a life coach, and if I were good at marketing, then the biggest decisions I'd ever have to make are whether I preferred the Hilton or the Marriott.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
A God Thing
I've always been wealthy in the arena of friends. People who I learn from, laugh with, whine at, feel envious of, and sometimes get hurt by. (and it goes without saying that I've likely hurt them as well). I often assumed, as the friendship season would change and we'd drift our own ways, that there was something about me that made it "not worthwhile" to maintain the ties. That my stupidity and neediness had just sucked them dry and they needed to wander off and find a watering hole lest their investment in us should wither them to death. Not that I believe every friendship should be stubbornly maintained well beyond the "best before" date. Some friends are with us for a season, and that's a gift all on its own. And some friendships take a siesta for a matter of months or years or centuries and there's nothing particularily deep about it. We pick up where we left off, and carry on from there.
Every relationship is significant and needn't turn into a project of phone calls and belaboured coffees. Well, there are one or two relationships that I think are in my life to showcase my worst characteristics, and I suppose an optimist would say that they are here to grind off my rough edges. So far, they just serve to make me more prickly and irritable. Maybe I'll work on that in my forties....
I was saying.
Three good things. Events that touched my heart and made me think of God and redemption. How things can ache and chew away at a gal and no matter how hard you to try to navigate it the "right" way, the way you were taught in Sunday School, it pretty much just sucks and you can't make it line up nicely into a column.
Recently, three friends from my life in the eighties have found me and made contact after a long period of life having swept us all down different bunny holes. Like old pieces of myself, they came back and reminded me of these aspects of life that we'd all shared. Not together as a foursome, as all three friends came from very separate parts of my life in the eighties. One of the friendships ended badly. The other two didn't end at all, it just wasn't the season for investing in that part of ourselves, as we were busy padding our nests and pouring our bosoms into chubby little blobs of hungry humanity. (come to think of it, now we're padding our bosoms, and wishing we could pour off some of the blobbiness...)
Anyway, far be it for me to ramble. ahem. These three goodnesses, like the three wise wo-men, have entered my life and made me think about redemption. I have a feeling its a God thing and that I'm going to learn something about the way God redeems things and relationships. How important patience and faith in things not yet seen are. How all my sweating and striving don't necessarily write the final chapter in any book of life.
And that maybe, just maybe, we all used just a little too much hairspray in the eighties.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Shit and Spiders
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Life in my Head
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Through a Glass, dimly
With love and apathy,
understanding and selfishness.
joy and knotted stomach
transparancy and bullshit peddling.
I'm so grateful for the people in my life who live their lives out loud. I'm so grateful for their authenticity, wisdom, joy in life, ability to cry as easily as they laugh. I'm grateful for their perspectives, their honesty, and the truth they speak in love.
I ache and wish for all the pretense to be stripped from humanity so that we could simply BE together. Love one another without fear. Lose our sense of self so that we can more adequately tune into the other selves who move amongst us. Lose the irritability, the competition, the insecurity.
Are you lucky beyond belief, as I am, to have people in your life who exemplify how different it all could be if we could lose those aspects of ourself and thereby free the ones we love to be more fully alive?
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Contests and Contestants
And I am doing eight thingies about me. Cuz its all about me. All of it.
(and Becky asked me to)
1. I once had a baby five years premature.
2. She was a boy named Graeme until the very moment she was born, but then there were some parts missing and some other parts in place, so we named her Arianna instead.
3. I can pour my own cereal.
4. Putting sunscreen on a sweaty back is horrifying to me, but I've spent years in nursing homes washing old men's nackers.
5. I ran once.
6. I'm terrified of numbers.
7. I have recurrent dreams. Sometimes they are like chapters.
8. I plant things in May or June. I kill them in July or August.