Friday, March 16, 2007

Profiles From the Pediatric Witness Protection Service

With the voice of "Tickle-Me-Elmo" on inhaled helium, this little fella can be found hanging around the fridge sniffing at the air, sustaining himself for remarkably long periods of time on hardened mucous nodules, and burning so much fuel on constant , rapid motion that clothes from "mini-me" regularily slide down, revealing his backside.
With a penchant for sound effects and humming tunes from everywhere, Doc lives a not-so-secret life in pink frills with a "lego guy" in each hand providing much needed balance. Has been known to entertain himself for four hours with a set of gummy-candy characters and never actually eat them at all. Too soft a heart to eat such close friends.
Fully aware of his powers, he charms audiences with his dance moves, flawlessly performed to "The Crazy Frog Is Dancing". Given to throwing all things, round or not, and blessed with a deep fascination with the broom, dustpan, and vacuum cleaner. (Don't worry, he's sure to outgrow it before I can turn it to my good use).
Wise beyond her years, Sneezy has been known to correct her baby-sitter for calling a backhoe a tractor. How very base of me. Sneezey has recently taken on the position of Assistant to the Childcare Provider, and can be found zipping zippers and buttoning buttons for "the kids" at outdoor play time.
Brilliantly disguised as a willful child, Grumpy is highly intelligent, artistically skilled with pencil and colouring apparatus, and would be an excellent candidate for relocation to a culture not bound to deadlines or time management. Grumpy has the prettiest eyes, a charming smile, and the potential to go wherever she chooses to. Very likely to succeed.
Oh, this one is a charmer. If any evil exists within her dna, it is cleverly disguised under a halo of sunny ringlets that stray across the bluest little eyes you ever did see. If ever one is in need of information from Bashful, she can easily be hypnotised by animated motion. Most likely to become "Thumbelina" in her next lifetime, Bashful could melt any heart of stone. In a surprising twist, she has a hearty appetite and has been known to polish off a full bowl of unsweetened oatmeal at breakfast (her mother's idea, not mine!) and silently consume two entire hotdogs with ketchup for lunch. (My idea, not her mothers...)
**%$#@** Allow me to ammend this post slightly.
the name "grumpy" should now be reassigned to me: Daycare Lady.
If there is ONE THING that I can NOT tolerate, its being lied to.
I hate it with a deadly hate, and it breaks my heart.


Queenheroical said...

oh my sympathies, so much hating of the lying here too,

the kids sound delightful ... and familiar ... I think I have a sneezy, a grumpy, a happy, and a umm hybrid of Doc and Dopey.


Judy said...


"Sleepy" was at my house, if you were wondering. We had more naps this week than the rest of the year combined.

Mind you, I am NOT complaining!

(well, i am, but not about that)

Could I borrow "Sneezy"? I need a little helper.

mmichele said...

wow... are you with all those kids every day?

joyce said...

well, actually there are variations on the themes, but yes. I usually have about a couch full. Not that they stay there...

Roo said...

unsweetenned oatmeal just ain't sweet. yah for hot dogs with ketchup!