Follow by Email

Friday, September 29, 2006

Hi, I'm Joyce, and I..........


I have a confession to make. Its time to stop hiding the truth, and to just come clean.
I may come across as this nice, clean, well-meaning, small-town, girl-next-door type BUT I am an ADDICT! I routinely torture myself with resolutions to STOP! To think of my children! To set my thoughts and goals on higher places! To recognize the problem, and thereby to take the first step to healing and wholeness.

Ready??
I AM A COMPULSIVE HUNTER AND I DON'T REALLY BELIEVE THAT I WILL EVER GET WELL!!
oh, it starts out innocently enough with a little thought, or a good intention. (hmmm, I should slip by the thrift shop, see if they have any jars for my compulsive-salsa-canning disorder; or hmmm wonder if anyone has donated their excess garden zucchini so I can make some of that fabulous tomato and zucchini soup).
Well, like any gripping disorder, I rearrange my entire existance to fit in that trip down cast-off aisle. I peruse for old quilts, trampling hunched and grey haired volunteers in my wake. Like a greedy raccoon gone wild, I sniff and scavenge for vintage buttons, lustre ware plates, coloured bits of glass, or Christmas decor from the 50's or earlier. All my good intentions wash out of me as I barge through the doors, nose to the air, sniffing out those good finds with my killer cheapskate instincts.

At home, I lay out my spoils and secretly feel grateful that all the other collectors were responsibly staying at home that day, lovingly putting together alphabet puzzles with their well-scrubbed offspring. I carress my prized possessions, lean back in my chair grinning like the cat who snagged the bird.

Then the guilt settles on me like a dark cloak of condemnation.

HOW SOON BEFORE THE AUTHORITIES DISCOVER YOU? YOU'RE PROBABLY A FIRE HAZARD WITH ALL THAT OLD STUFF GATHERING DUST ALL AROUND YOU! YOU'RE SO ADDICTED TO FINDING OLD STUFF THAT YOU DON'T EVEN DUST YOUR HOUSE! WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU?! YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE FREAKS WHO TAKES IN ALL THE NEIGHBORHOOD CATS AND KIDS AND LETS THEM PISS ON YOUR COUCH AND EAT RAW MACARONI WHILE YOU ALL LOLL ABOUT ON OLD QUILTS WATCHING OLD MOVIES AND GNAWING ON DAY OLD DONUTS!

(wonder what I'll find tomorrow?)

6 comments:

CeCe said...

I can never find ANYTHING good when I thrift hunt. EVER. I'm the worst thrift hunter ever. I envy people who can find cool stuff.

Carlotti said...

Made me laugh out loud. At least you have a good excuse for not dusting. I'm starting to consider sprinkling carrot seeds on my furniture and see how big my crop will be.

Christine said...

Joyce, I FEEL YOU! I love going to thrift stores and garage sales!!! I could spend hours going through old trinkets and photos and paintings. I found so many lovely things this summer.

You're right though, stuff begins to pile up. Sometimes I think if we had half of the stuff life would be easier. But then I say to hell with it, it's my hobby and I deserve that tea set from the 50's!!!

shelley said...

you are totally an addict. I have seen you in action, and it is frightning. You so need help! Im still waiting for half of those retro christmas ornaments you found and so kindly offered to me last year. you are out of controle....... hey is that "you know where" still open? call me.

lettuce said...

oooh you really are a woman after my own heart!

Joanne F-F said...

Hey Joyce
you can come and do your retro hunting in my crawlspace any time. I have been meaning to go through it and just chuck it all! I just don't have the time. and when you are through with that, maybe you can let me give you a massage, cause, you know, I need the practice hours.
LYLAS (love ya like a sista)
Joanne