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Saturday, September 16, 2006

Let's Just Clarify

Comments usually stay in their designated area, but not today.

Laura said...
If you were not already my sister, I'd probably be too in awe of you to think we could relate on the same level. I often think of people as stained glass masterpieces that come to life when the light of God shines thru them. I have seen so many masterpieces lately, including you.

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Is Laura being extra nice, because I keep puking up my heart and watching it splatter against my computer screen? This comment is so kind.

Am I a walking contradiction? Or do "masterpieces" typically present bodily as F-U-B-A-R? (f*ed-up-beyond-all-repair) I am terrible to be with. I am irritable. I throw fits. I fight the urge to do something crazy enough to land me on the Dr Phil show. I barely speak to my husband. And the bit about God shining through? Gee, I like that. But that would be entirely his doing. Any preparation that I haven't done up to this point is obvious. I'm not one of those shiney people who can tell what scripture has held me up through all this. Again, I'd have to say that maybe God stuck that Healing Rain song in my head, because its there all the time, and it comforts me and I don't own that cd. I had to google for the lyrics. What about the song that came to me yesterday after I saw Ken for the first time in 10 days? That song was "Jesus loves the little children" Not because when we are dying we are symbolically childlike, and become aware of him as our heavenly father, and how our childlike faith is honoured.

No.
It's the line... "red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight". What ridiculous lyrics. I used to think-- who has ever seen a red kid on the playground?!

But yesterday, I saw a yellow man.

I like comments. No, I love comments. I like encouragement too. I like to hear that people offer up prayers. I like to know that others can relate. I love to write. I love to have an audience that aren't necessarily hungry or need a bathroom. I mean everything that I write.
I believe imperically in lots of sensible and wise things. I make an effort to live with authenticity.

But guys-- I just don't know if I'm as swell as I'd wish to be.

12 comments:

andrea said...

It doesn't matter if you're not as swell as you wish to be. You're as swell as we wish you to be and our opinion matters more! :)

Laura said...

I meant what I said. True, I don't live with you, and have not seen you in weeks. Stained glass masterpieces sometimes go thru storms, sometimes get covered in dust or spiderwebs, sometimes even crack - but the beauty is still there. Sometimes it takes some cleaning to let the light shine thru it again. Healing rain? You are one of God's beautiful masterpieces, and I love you. I marvel at the variety of masterpieces around me.

"yellow man" Interesting and sad. It is all so sad.

Laura said...

And ,yes, I'm so thankful you are not one of those shiny people who can hold up a verse and say how it helped you thru something. I have seen too many of those lately. Complete with spititual superiority. I'd rather have your honesty.

Joyce said...

Andrea--thank you. thats just what I needed to hear.

Laura--I meant to say "thank you". I know you have your own dramas unfolding around you, and I'm convinced without a doubt that you are showing yourself to be an "unshiney masterpiece" to others.
I have craved your presence.
Yes, Ken is yellow. Its hard to imagine such jaundice. And such utter boniness. Even his face is eerily, horribly thin and his eyes are the color of egg yolks.
I'm sorry. Sorry for the bike ride to Nevada, and sorry about the yellow man. I'm just sorry. I wish none of it were true.
I love you too.

Laura said...

I'm crying. Wish we lived closer. Visited an abused friend in the hospital today.. Am helping her go into hiding tomorrow. So much pain. In so many places.

CeCe said...

Well, I like you. And you're darned lucky to have such a great family!

esther said...

but Joyce...
that's what makes you authentic

Cherrypie said...

" ... don't know if I'm as swell..." which is why I like you so much x

Ruth said...

God sure did a neat thing when He made you...Joyce.

svea said...

joyce you are a beautiful piece of artwork, i really enjoy you just like you are.

Christy said...

I agree wkith Esther. If your blog were that of a "swell" person, I would have quit reading moths ago. I don't need to read about someone with life by the crotch, I need to read about faith and real life.

Homo Escapeons said...

You are much more than swell..
you are honest and real.