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Thursday, March 08, 2012

True Confessions: Stuff I Don't Get Even Though Most Adults Seem To

  •  The widely accepted and condoned sentiment that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".  Well, if you've had pneumonia for three weeks and you don't die, you're not actually stronger after that.  When you're depressed and find yourself going to bed at 7:00 pm just so you can drag yourself through the next day, that doesn't feel stronger by a long shot.  If you've had cancer and you endure months of chemotherapy and radiation but don't actually DIE, you're actually NOT stronger at the end of all that.  When someone you love dies, and it feels like you're probably going to die also, because you can't imagine going on in that kind of pain; you're not stronger at the end of all that either.  You're beat up and bruised and limping along and partially broken forever after that.  I don't see that as stronger.
  • I don't get hot tubs.  I know I'm supposed to, as most adults love them.  I'm not the fussiest person around, and am pretty easy going about hygiene and germs, but really, people?  Let's all put our skanky boy and girl parts into a bubbling broth and then languish there together.  Yuck.  Better yet- let's do it with a bunch of random strangers who may or may not have warts in places they don't belong.  Who may or may not believe in daily showers or proper bum wiping techniques.  Let's hang out with folks with back hair and black heads and undiagnosed diseases-- no!  Let's BATH with them!  I don't think so.
  • manicures and pedicures.  I know.  I'm probably really alienating some people right now.  I've probably lost some important contacts for life.  When my finger nails grow past a millimeter or so, I feel claustrophobic and dirty.  How much worse if all that were lacquered on, semi-permanently?  And if you want to mess with my feet, how about just taking off those callouses and maybe working on those plantar warts?  See?  I bet you feel kind of squeamish too, by now.  JUst think about all the nastiness those hand and feet people deal with next time you're reaching for a gem.
  • Shirts and dresses with only one sleeve.  I'm already unbalanced on the inside where it counts.
  • Rare meat.  Why don't you just go take a bite out of your dog?!

And that's just a sampler of what I just don't get.

How about you?


Anonymous said...

I don't get people who thrive on drama...maybe I just had a bad day, but seriously-a "crises" that involves attracting attention every day!!??! Everyone has shit to deal with, and there is a time and place where you can deal with things. Drama queens....I don't get them. No food or water is a crises, not having a regular paycheque is a crises, etc. etc....this could be a much longer rant.

PS-I am enjoying your retro pins on pintrest. when do you find time to pin?? I love that Ryan Gosling pic.."Hey girl-I love it when I come home from work and you are still in your pajamas.."

-Crazy Carolyn

joyce said...

Oh, but do go on! And I suppose you have to encounter this daily at work where you cannot escape?
Heres today's example of me pinning: first child, a baby, arrives at 7 am. She cries and rubs her eyes after ten minutes. She goes to bed. I suck on my coffee and pin, and pin. And there are remarkable moments such as these throughout the day. Yes, my stove is dirty. No, I don't care, enough to stop pinning. Pinning makes me forget stuff I don't want to think about and makes me laugh. Invaluable.

mmichele said...

No, Joyce. No rare meat? Really? because raw cow is way better than raw dog.

Brenda said...

I'll tell you what I don't get...small talk. I refer to all of the insignificant mini conversations we have such as, "enjoying the weather?" or "how's life treatin' you?". I refer to all those times someone passes me in the produce isle at Bigway and says, "Hey, how's it going?" when they know it's not the kind of place I'm going to unload on them. Worse yet are the ones who ask the question and don't wait for any answer at all. I find parties where I don't know people very well truly excruciating! I realize that small talk is the necessary first step to getting to know's not polite to jump right to "Tell me about your relationships...are they fulfilling?" or "Are you comfortable in your skin at 50?" or "I've been struggling with irritable bowel syndrome...ever had that?" So when I'm standing in line at Snacks to pay for my gas and I just smile, don't be offended. And when I'm rushing thru Bigway trying to stay on my intense Saturday schedule and I choose an isle that you're not on, don't take it personally. Just call me sometime and we'll do coffee around a kitchen table and hash thru the real stuff of life.

Judy said...

I could not agree with you more.
And, I also cannot do small talk.
I'm painfully awkward.
My love affair with pinterest is a deep one. I can pin things while holding a baby.

jb said...

i'm right there with ya on the manicures/pedicures thing... i keep my nails short. i have perfected the art of nail cutting so as not to cut into the skin but get as darn close as one can get. i've tried "growing them out" but have failed every attempt thus far. needless to say, i will never be a hand model. :)

joyce said...

Michele! I will only accept you as an authority on the subject if you have indeed taken a bite out of Jed. Or any other dog for that matter.

Brenda, you're just the sort of gal I could discuss my bowel issues with at the grocery store. And I would too. I so get what you mean, and suspect that I am the same. It has puzzled me that I so adore people, but then can't stand talking about nothing with them. I think these characteristics are actually of the classic introvert variety. We would rather discuss things of a sensitive nature than mumble about the weather. Anyway, I like you just the way you are.

Judy, we could quite possibly pin things while giving birth to babies. Fortunately, we will never know.

J, so glad I still have a friend in town after that huge disclosure!

Jenn said...

Tatoos - I don't get it.
Hottubs - Loved them until about 5 minutes ago.
Crocs - Why would anybody put those things on their feet?

joyce said...

I'm glad you said tattoos, I didn't have the nerve. I know all the cool kids GET IT and I wish I would too, but I actually don't. Kind of like Leonard Cohen. The cool kids dig him, but I just want him to speed up.

Sorry about the hot tub sorrow you're in right now.

Crocs. Bought them, heard they were really comfy and I thought they would be awesome for the yard on sprinkler days. Turns out they're not comfortable enough to keep, and sure not inspired enough to wear. Sent mine to the thrift shop.... Hopefully someone else can wear them poolside. On their way to the hot tub.