Thursday, May 08, 2008

For a While She Tried to say Nothing; But Now She May Have Something Nice To Say

Yesterday I was feeling quite discouraged. Quite negative with splashes of angry, and a good, solid heaping serving of self-pity. I know what I said a few posts ago about not going with the blessing theory.... but.... I do recognize when a gal needs prayer from people bigger than herself to a God who is bigger than us all. And although there was nothing majorly wrong- no terminal diagnoses , no tsunamis, or blunt traumas.... there still was an impressive stack of small annoyances to wear a girl down. The flu(s). The breaking appliances. The bernina repair guy way behind on his work.

So, I dragged a million or fewer preschoolers a block or two over to the church and asked some people to please pray for me. They are always willing. And its so soothing to have those hands on my lap, and on my shoulders, and know that this support exists for someone with as little faith as myself.

We spent the afternoon laying down to the tune of Stuart Little and I wondered if I'd ever have energy again. So completely tired have I been, that I remembered well the challenges of growing fetuses with the accompaniment of a sour stomach. Bleh. Any of you woman who are currently growing small people- never let anyone minimize how much it takes out of you. Smack anyone who laughs and says something trite like: "Oh, you'll survive". Actually, if you like, I'd be willing to smack them for you.

But I digress.

One of the women from above- the kind with more faith than what I could offer... was brave enough to deliver her sewing machine to my house. She knew well that she was taking some sort of giant risk with this loan. She said that the machine had been serviced and that she'd whispered a prayer over it before leaving that singer at my house. The house that kills small animals, most plants, and anything that plugs in.

And so, there it sat in its case. I was too tired to take it out- which in my world means that I was very near terminal.

But something happened in the early evening, as I felt a wee bit of energy flowing into my bones. So, I took out the machine and sat down at her and began to sing with Lisa's Singer. I had bundled cut-out bag pieces during my sad interim before the flu, but after my bernina went belly up. I began very cautiously, not knowing what would break first- my spurt of energy, or the third sewing machine. But she whirred. And I got in the zone. I think I sewed from 7:00 til 11:00 pm. And Singer was still singing.

I don't like it when people mention a string of positive things and then finish off with "God is good". Not because God isn't good, but because if He is good, then He is good all the time. He's not just good when things are good with me. He's not bad if things are bad with me. It's really not all about me. But when good things happen, I like God to get the credit. I believe in the force of good. I believe that force is more powerful than its counterpart.

And I believe that God would want food aid to get to Darfur. Now we are hearing more reports about the world food shortage, and the UN needing to make the difficult decision to cut back food aid to Darfur by 40%. So, I'd really like to increase giving to Darfur by 40%. And I'm going to need God in all this.

That's just the way it is. Don't ask me to explain every detail of it, because I can't.
And that's the nice thing that I have to say today.

13 comments:

Crystal said...

Great post Joyce. I can relate in a lot of ways.

Anonymous said...

I too have difficulty with people that give God the credit when things go right, but don't bring God into it when things don't go as we had wished. God is good always, even when something looks incredibly bad --I have to believe that underneath that, God is still working for good in my life. And that He loves me.
'Terrible things happen, and God does not prevent them. But the purpose of a universe created by a loving Maker is to be trusted...
I will have nothing to do with a
God who cares only occasionally. I need a God who is with us always, everywhere, in the deepest depths as well as the highest heights. It is when things go wrong, when the good things do not happen, when our prayers seem to have been lost, that God is most present. We do not need the sheltering wings when things go smoothly. We are closest to God in the darkness, stumbling along blindly.' (Madelein L'Engle, Two Part Invention)

Anonymous said...

Believe me when I say this Joyce..........my faith is no greater than yours or anyone else's. If fact, having fallen into my ever present pit, I have no sense of faith at all right now. But, I'm glad the singer is still singing for you.
Lisa

Roo said...

:)

((hugs))

oreneta said...

I am glad the singer is singing, it seems to be making you happier, which can only be good.

Faith...I think it appears and expresses itself in different ways in different times in different people...maybe in response to what we need. Be it a passionate necessity, a background joy or a constant companion.

When you get fully back into the flow of making the bags, I am going to post about them on my site as well, and leave a link, I wanted to wait until you had a machine up and running, and felt better....

By the way, I tossed an excellence award your way...for the Darfur blog, which is such an excellent thing to do.

Hope you feel better soon.

Valerie Ruth said...

appreciate your offer to smack others for me. i might take you up on that.

isn't it amazing how small our world can be, how self centered we become? if i feel bad, God must be bad. the whole picture is so hard for us littles to see.

love these words joyce

and mum (brenda) - profound comment! i think you should start your own blog.

Bonnie said...

hey girl! glad you got some energy back. i've been going through some 'not so good times' myself, but God has always been there, it's the only way i make it through!! Thanks for the wonderful post.

have a great evening!

xoxo

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed this post Joyce...it made me think, and I know I'm guilty of those very same feelings...also enjoyed Brenda's comment...very thought provoking....L-lew

gloria said...

it was nice to see you last night, i am glad you stayed as long as you did... you are pretty special (and you smell nice too)

Anonymous said...

Brenda (and daughter!!!) soooo lovely to hear from you via Joyce. I always knew you were a wonderful deep person with a beautiful faith -- how even more beautiful to "eavesdrop" to a compliment from your daughter! And Joyce, thanks. I talked to some friends today who saw my bag and wanted your Darfur blog so they could buy "gifts" for their friends.
Love you, Mary

lettuce said...

right.
god is good when things are shitty - or else how can god be good?

wishing you healing joyce
and happy singing

Heather said...

Just stopping by to say have a blessed Mother's Day.

Anonymous said...

I 'found' you again on Heather's newly posted blog roll - yay!