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Sunday, November 05, 2006

Must Be Sunday

The day of the lump.
Somehow during the week, the lumps seem more contained, more apt. But on Sunday, my stomach hangs palpably over my waistband in bulges. My thighs spread lumpily, unwielding, partially contained in cotton and 10% lycra. I yearn for the anorexic restraint of my youth.

My pea-sized brain recognizes the symbolism. The real lump is in my throat. Its tempting to say that it must be dealt with, but really, the bottomlessness of it is that it must be simply felt, acknowledged, allowed, validated. A difficult, uncomfortable position. So the match begins. Brain, desiring control, shouts: "MUST join gym! MUST give up wine, halloween candy, endless slices of hearth bread with butter...."

Heart whispers; "Rest."

On Sundays, I think of family. I hurt for my eldest brother, so far away, so sad for his friend and brother, now on the other side. My heart lurches a little to think of my father. Suddenly old and frail, yet strong and wise, with still so many lessons to give before the final bell. I endure the agony of love for a brother whose life has been drowned in a bottle. A brother I can no longer care for in conventional ways.

So, I'll recognize the tension, and I'll return again to my spiritual hospice. The words will roll over me, cover me, lance the lumpy boils within. And the healing rain will fall , washing my cheeks, my heart, my pain.

Must be Sunday.


Anonymous said...

Very well-stated. I won't go into the reasons why ~ only that it resonated. Thank you. :)


Thailand Gal

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post. I am moved.

Ruth said...

i like you.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Joyce.

Marshkies said...

Joyce, have you read Al's emails? All of Ken's words to him? Oh my heart does ache -- but not without hope!

LDahl said...

Can I be your adopted sister?

Homo Escapeons said...

Quit being such a Lump on a Blog..

go and join a gym already..except then you have to get all fixed up just to go to the gym and then you gotta work out and go back home and the aches and the pains...forget it!

Just fly with me down to the Mayo over the Holidays and we'll get a little lipo and a couple of tucks.

Joyce said...

1,2,3,and 4: I'm more than glad that we're on the same page. It means that maybe I'm not quite "commit-able"!

ldahl: I think I'm flattered. I wonder if I should tell you the uglier realities though... Nah. You're IN!

HE: How about we just get together on the holidays, and EAT some mayo? And instead of lipo and tucks, I'm gonna go with a typo and some luck.

Anonymous said...

joyce...I appreciate you!

LDahl said...

Well all righty then! Coolness!! I'll tell you some of my uglier realities and you can tell me yours.*evil grin*

*giggle* you have made me very happy.

U.R. #1:Even my own children call me excentric.