It must be the week leading up to the ugly sweater party. Brian brought me a little care package from an honoured lady on the guest list-- cocktail napkins (don't you hate that word-
napkins? Ick.) The 100% paper facial hygiene products are tastefully inscribed with a proverb: "Don't drink and dress". I really liked the gift bag too, so I included it in this Alice-honouring post. She even enclosed a well thought out gift card to accompany her hostess gift. I'm feeling a little intimidated about etiquette... She even thought to remove the price from the plastic sandwhich bag wrapping that gracefully encased the serviettes. Wow. What if I embarrass myself irreparably? What if I wear my party corsage on the wrong side of my double breasted sweater and she never, ever accepts an invitation from me again? I rushed to the mirror. I breathed deeply and in the words of Jack Handy (bad sweater guru) I repeated: " I'm big enough, I'm strong enough, and gosh-darnit, people like me!"
I must admit though, the damage had been done. I phoned Shelley in a panic-- We must make haste to the thrift shop. My confidence has been badly shaken. 
How red would my face be if Alice were to arrive on Friday in a sweater more hideous than mine?
Shelley was a salve to my battered soul. With a sense of calm that defied our circumstance, she separated hanger from polyester you-show-her sweaters with more confidence than those wanna-be fashion police from What Not To Wear. We drenched one another in unashamed flatteries. We found ourselves in fluffy turtlenecks, glittering pearls, and strategically placed flower petals. Our spirits were bolstered.
Four days to go. The jello mold sits in eager anticipation. The drinking glasses are glued back together and stand ready, sparkling clean. The feather duster has more air miles than I've collected since '81.
And you? Are you going to give me some line about about not owning a bad sweater, so you'll regretfully have to decline? Or are you going to find the courage within yourself to just be honest and admit that you've got to stay home and shampoo your hair that night?
Just give me a little, wee, teeny, tiny, itty bitty, little hint. Wouldya paleeeeeze?
*If you need directions to my house, just send an e-mail. (address available in "complete profile") There, see? Now you really have NO excuse.
*I realize that hyper link worketh not, although I've redone it twelve times now. Go the old fashioned route, and just find the post about the ugly sweater. Otherwise: here are the details:
Friday, November 24, 2006. 7:00pm, my house. Bring something, anything, since I have NO IDEA as to how many people are coming and we may be reduced to snacking on frozen pork chops. Then again, if you're okay with that, then just come wearing the sweater. If you really don't have appropriate party attire, I do have a spare or two on hand.
16 comments:
i would love to come but i still need to synchronize my schedule with my husband's and see if it works.
Joyce,
Alice is the most thoughtful person. It is also obvious that Alice cleans her closet regularly so she had to shop at The Village for her sweater. Clearly I don't clean because I found one in my very own closet. Ali says she knows how to get to your place so I'll be there.
In the words of Ava, "I'm so GECITED!"
-H
I found a perfect specimen in my neighborhood thrift shop. Wow, it's hard to believe anyone EVER thought this was an attractive thing to wear. It's also hard to believe that they think ANYONE will pay $5.00 for it.
I think I need to write a letter to the thrift shop pricing board.
The search will continue.
Hi Joyce...it's Becky here. Svea told me about your ugly sweater party, and I am so sad that I can't come...we have another birthday party to attend that night...but maybe I'll wear a hideous sweater anyways! I hope you guys have a great time! Becky
The funny thing about going to the thrift shop to find an ugly sweater is how your standards suddenly change. "Hmmmm, Nope, that's not ugly enough. I can do better than that". And what's with the $3.00 price tags? I MEAN Really!
OK Carlotti,
I can't wait to meet you cause i actually paid 5.99 for my hideous specimen and I even asked the manager to lower the price because of the disasterous quality of this sweater, and she said no.....!!!!!!! So i bought it anyway if only for the ability to claim the most ugly sweater friday night see you there !
Wow, Svea, you are really taking Joyce's birthday seriously! I commend you for spending $5.99 on your ugly sweater. You know, we could have a follow-up party called "Cut up the ugly sweaters and sew them together to keep Joyce and Brian warm and cozy through all kinds of weather" party.
Or a sweater-burning party, but polyester just isn't very satisfying when you put flame to it.
See you Friday. I am determined to have something ugly AND cheap. Oh if I had only kept all those 80's sweaters.....
If my sweater doesn't win for the ugliest it will win for the brightest...and most expensive, tied with Svea at $5.99. No groceries this week.
Ali
Oh how I wish I could be there!! I might very well have to post a picture of an ugly sweater...if I can find one! (Okay, okay...I might have one packed away in a box in the garage...the one from 1982 that I could just never seem to get rid of...)
You will post pictures of your party, won't you?
wow! looks like I missed the party before the party when I was off pushing a 378 lb cart of groceries at superstore...
And.. DOOT-DA-DOOOO! (another trumpet) that would be Alice's SECOND blog comment! I feel proud, like a mother.
Do NOT tell Donn I'm commenting on your blog. He will be so offended. And DON'T tell him I checked your blog before his this morning.
Ali
The jig is up you sneaky little so&so.
Go ahead comment your your little tushy off..and I already KNOW that you check out COB first, so nyeh!
I just hope that nobody at the party DONATED that hideous sweater that you will be wearing to Joyce's radical feminist Sweaterpalooza!
Oh and by the way..Dinner will be late tonight.. hummmph!
Sweaterpalooza!!!!!!!
Joyce, how I wish I could be there!
But because of your party idea my youngest son ended up with the perfect dining table and chairs for a price he could afford...
How did that happen, you ask... well in the spirit of wishing I could be there, I visited local thrift shoppe and before I left, a table set was newly put out on the floor... I knew this was what my son was looking for! Long story short...he was thrilled to find what he was looking for and I'm glad he's not after my round oak table any more:)))
So Thanks Supersweaterwoman!!!
See, what did I tell you.
Ali
You have NO idea how difficult it was to choose a sweater for Friday night! Many were pulled off the rack, examined, a few were draped over my body for fit.
I'm happy to say I purchased three items of clothing at the SAlly Anne sale for a grand total of $8.00.
Oh the joy of being selectively cheap..... What?! Did you say Eddie Bauer is having a sale?!
Bobita- if you could come, I could die in peace. I mean that in the nicest possible way-- I would truly love it if you and trabinski would surprise me... hint, hint, get in your car...
ldahl- so glad you won't be trying to WEAR the table and chairs... and how could I know that such good things could come of this zany plan? Even furniture for your son?!
D$A - get a room, you two...
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