Friday, October 27, 2006

no friggin' kiddin' Friday

Oh, the sun comes up looking promising and all, but we all know what's coming. That time of the year when we are shamelessly stripped of our parental masks, where our unpreparedness; indeed our total lack of attentiveness to the interests of our future generation are laid bare to the scrutiny of all.

Halloween. Don't get me wrong. I love candy, community, and walking around in the autumn with my loved ones. I'm even okay with the whole concept of begging. But the costume thing is a personal affront to me on more than one level. We have enough creative costuming in our tickle trunk downstairs to outfit most of our small town... BUT. Somehow at halloween the children have been brainwashed (I like to blame other school children) to believe that you MUST visit a retail facility of some sort and purchase things in order for halloween to have any meaning. This is fundamental for the proper collection of enamel erroding materials, and the impending sorting of the suckers, and the yucky blackish-brown orange-wrapped halloween candy (my favourite) from those itty bitty nummy mini chocolate bars.

To wear some OLD RAG from the basement?! Shocking indeed.

Every year is the same. I flip the calendar page, grateful to have navigated my way through the many starts and stops of September. October's page shows up in mocking orange. (why not just make a musical calendar while you're at it, and start yelling at me the moment I've licked Thanksgiving's sweet potatoe casserole off my lips?) Oh, I'm aware that its coming, and I know the children will have big ideas. But every year, I give denial another chance.

Well, 2006 appears to have the same basic pattern as all the halloweens preceding it. This morning over hurriedly prepared school lunches and unsigned homework, the kids reminded me of my obligations . To be a proper mother, I must prepare Jane's "Queen" banner- And Soon. Micah is still waiting for his "all black suit" (I don't think either he or I know what it's supposed to be, and I know I"M NOT ASKING). "Well", I say, stalling... "I guess we'll have to find something this weekend".

"FIND SOMETHING ?" he is genuinely shocked. "Don't you have some black fabric mom? You could JUST make me an all black suit, then we could JUST buy a mask!".

Brilliant, I think. I'm sure I'll make the time to design a black body suit, IN MY SPARE TIME. Maybe between snack and "gee-the-weather-is-nice-I-really-ought-to-take-down-the -trampoline-and-do-something-about-all-those-leaves" time. I'm sure the pre-schoolers would understand.

At least I'm sure of what I'm NOT going as this halloween: everyone's dream mother.


Heather Plett said...

Maybe we should have a "pathetic moms making halloween costumes together at the last minute" party, 'cause I'll be busy all weekend gluing cotton balls on a pair of white overalls, trying to create an Albert Einstein wig, making a head for a sheep...and a few things I probably haven't thought of yet.

lettuce said...

Or we could have a mums-totally-evade responsibility-and-eat-chocolates-and drink-gin-weekend?

I used to resent halloween a bit as a USA import which has pretty well replaced Guy Fawkes. Well, I still resent that. A bit. But I quite enjoy halloween too.

Partly on principle, as a lot of family have faith-problems with it!

joyce said...

it could be like a fraternity: pathetic moms of gin and chocolate.

I've thought about the faith issue, and here's my thought process. dressing up and eating candy at halloween doesn't make me a satan worshipper any more than presents and trees make the agnostic a Christ follower.

you may or may not choose to quote me on that one....

Roo said...

my favorite was when my brother used a bunch of boxes and became "robby the robot".

that was the best.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad I'm all alone in the house because I've been hooting and cackling like a mad fool. More than usual. I think. Happy Halloween:):) Laura

Romeo Morningwood said...

My all time favorite costume was a guy who put on green leotards duct taped a bunch of branches from an an artificial christmas tree and added a couple strings of lights, decorations and tinsel.

At the party he stood in the corner and plugged in his lights and everybody waited on him all night.
pun intended.

joyce said...

Ruth- you see, we had real childhoods. we used our imaginations.
Laura- halloween... isn't it a bit late for you to try and be the perfect halloween mom at this point?!

HE: had to read it two or three times just because it was a laugh-out-louder. men in tights, indeed.

Bobita said...

My family has been invited to a costume party Sunday evening. I am sooooo stealing your idea...I'm going as a "not so perfect mother." I could have my pajamas on, slippers, maybe a tool belt with a mish-mosh of supplies: toilet brush, fly swatter, K-Y Jelly, (now I'm cracking myself up!!)

Cherrypie said...

Jack was a spider one year. He wore a pair of black opaque tights with 2 further pairs round his waist, stuffed with rags to fatten them up and a black polo neck on top. I'd spent hours sewing string onto the costume so that when he held his arms up, he had 8 legs all within a web. It was one of my more inspired creations. He spent all evening sitting in a corner. The horror of wearing women's tights to Cubs has never left him.

joyce said...

Bobita- I saved my ass going to Dollarama and buying my son a $1 mask and a $1 pair of gloves with green finger nails glued to them. He was thrilled nearly to tears. If only all our children could be middle children. They are so satisfied with scraps.....

Cherry- I think that says it. When you actually stick your neck out and do your best to come through for your kid, you land up totally damaging him. I say that complacency is totally underrated.

Anonymous said...

I do not miss hallowe'en. At all.